Feeling quite lost sometimes in life

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog. Going quite personal and psychological with this post, just a heads up.

This post’s topic is kind of weird. I often nowadays feel quite lost with myself. I mean I know my personality traits and such but the rest is kind of a mess and as I said, I feel lost. I think it might be like this because I’m evolving, but I’ve evolved a lot into diffrent aspects and experiences and quite often but never felt anything like this that is happening right now.

Sometimes I pick up these intrests I have and focus on them a lot, but in these days this phenomenon is leaving me feeling guilty and confused. Like I picked up doll collecting again since a few months ago and I yesterday I felt totally out of place and full of guilt, like I shouldn’t like these things now as an adult. Which is strange to me since I’ve always embraced my intrests before and not caring whenever they where seen as appropriate for another age, I have 0 intention of ever abondning my inner child.

I also think a lot about how my intrests fit together and unintentionally in the back of my mind how I could make it all make sense but I just can’t. It’s frustrating. Even though I still feel like I sometimes have these moments of clarity, they’re getting less and less.

I’m so eclectic it makes me confused. I like so many diffrent things. Maybe that’s a gift, being able to appreciate so many things but It just makes me sad and confused sometimes. I think I might be in need of some structure, but on the other hand structure made me sick and made me feel so limited.

When I was in secondary school I labeled myself as goth because I wanted people to understand me better, suppressing all the other things I liked like Japanese fashion (lolita fashion) and upbeat music.

It’s so hard sometimes to stay true to yourself when everyone else wants to put you into a box so you fit in. And I never fit in! And I think that I now, at the end of this post I have gotten some clarity again.

I need both light and dark in my life since my life is so up and down all the time, and I need something to express these things through. Me being bipolar might have always influenced me, since I see beauty in both dark and light. And just a reminder, dark isn’t necessarily evil and light isn’t always good. (but that is another big topic.)

 

Sincerely,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Some doll purchasing dreams for the future

Hi!

The topic of today is something I haven’t mentioned on my blog since 2014 maybe?

A dear hobby of mine is collecting dolls, and currently I’m mostly into bratz dolls since I grew up completely obsessed with them. I thought I would share some dolls from my wishlist. There are always bratz dolls to obsess over and I constantly update my list :’).

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These two gothic midnight dance dolls where some of my favourite dolls to dream about to one day own when I was a little girl. I now own the Yasmine from this collection but I’m missing the other two goregous dolls. I got so inspired by these dolls and still am to this day and when I was younger I decorated my pants like the second midnight dance doll.

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I used to own the redhead above but then I was sooo stupid and decided to remove her face and practice facepainting dolls on her, and I threw her away. 😥

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So these are the cuties I’ll share with you today. Which doll is your favourite and do you collect dolls too? Feel free to answer in the comments 😀

 

/

Kisses

The doll maniac,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Unbreakable bitch

Hi dear people who read my blog!

Today I feel like an unbreakable bitch. A boss ass lady with a bright future.

I’m fighting for the future. Fighting for a future where I can be who I truly am. Because I’m not fully who I’m supposed to be right now. I’m not unhealthy in my ultimate state.  I’m not defined or controlled by an illness in any shape or form in my ultimate state. I’m limitless. I’m fucking light and healthy in my true form. I’m so happy and grateful for my doctor and medication and myself, now whilst feeling stable, I’m finally getting a real chance of cleaning up the mess that my illness and traumas left behind.

I’m planning to have a few smaller goals on my way, giving myself the opportunity to spoil myself when I pass these goals.

My ultimate goal is loosing 40kg in the end. It might take a while, because I’m not going to push myself too hard, for that is not healty if you want to keep your new healthy habits in your new life after you pass the ultimate goal.

 

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Post workout selfie.

 

 

Mwah! ;*

Stay humble but sharp as a diamond

Yours truly,

/Viola Whimsical

Long time no see (Life update)

Hi! It’s been a while. 

Here an explanation will follow…

I’ve been taking care of myself, slowly changing back to who I used to be. Taking care of my physical health. It’s something that is so easily lost however, so I need to practice my lost self dicipline everyday, cause in my situation I need to loose weight in order to feel good about myself again. 

I want to feel light and healthy again and this damn situation with my mental health isn’t getting any better if I stay at this weight. I need to move on from this post trauma(s) gaining weight shit. If I could explain how my body feel like in one word it would be heavy. I feel heavy. And it doesn’t feel good! 

Exercising outside in the forest, I already do that. I need some killer belly exercise asap. Need to remember that. (Yes I tend to keep forgetting everything all the time, that is also post trauma shit…so this is like a little reminder for myself, not only a blogpost♡) 

On an end note, today I’ve been dreaming about picking up youtube again, but this time for real. I’d love to become a youtuber one day. Spreading awareness about mental illness and practicing my creativity with an audience. It would probably make me even stronger! Maybe one day you’ll all hear about me ;)♡

Tihi, now I need some sleep. 

Sincerely, 

/Viola Whimsical

Update: Dreams coming true! (longing for a new forest home in the autumn)

Hi all!

Welcome back to my blog.

I’m so happy. I feel like I’ve found peace in my mind. First of all, I’m continuing to feel stable in my mind. I take forest walks outside each day, and started my weightloss journey for real. My future is bright like the stars in the sky. I feel so inspired to do good things for myself, which is kind of ”new” to me since I always tend to put other people before myself, while feeling down and feeling like I’m not worth the hassle of taking the time to do good for myself.

With that said, I got even bigger plans for the autumn… A big dream coming true….

*Deep breath*

I’m (probably) finally moving!

TO A FOREST HOME.

It’s truly all I ever wanted, and with my forever love too! And I wrote (probably)moving because you never know what happends… the houses we’re looking at now, might not be availible later. But our goal is to be moving to a forest home some time during autumn.

I’m truly so happy you guys… I want to cry, actually I’m crying right now…

That’s what I love about life, it can all change for the better in just months or weeks. Even if you have a horrible illness or had a hard life, or both, everything might change over one night! Just hold on!

From the

HAPPIEST GIRL EVER,

blessed be )O(

//Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

Better health? Thoughts and why I’m not going to any bigger cities or events that I planned this summer

Hi everyone.

I’m doing better with my health overall. I’ve gotten a lot more stable and my emotions aren’t switching as often now. For those of you who are new here and doesn’t know much about me, I’m bipolar and have made several posts about this and you can find them under my blog category ”Mental health”.  I’m also making progress in my physical well being.

My situation right now is kind of frustrating. Still being home sick without going to school or a job.

I feel like I see how society works a lot clearer now when I’m currently being kind of like an outcast of it and it is not a pretty sight at all. I try not to get to frustrated with things I cannot change so I think I’m just going to leave it like that, It’s not a pretty sight, period.

That Stockholm trip I made really destroyed me. I know I’m never moving to a bigger city. I feel so out of touch with everything while being there, in a bigger city. The Stockholm trip affected me so much that I’m going to cancel all of my traveling plans this summer. I’m not going to go to the festival I booked and other events in larger towns. I feel like I’ve built up this very fragile security in my mental state and I don’t want to risk loosing it because of stress or anything like that.

With that being said, I really feel like I know how my future is going to have to look now, and I’m fine with it. Since I’ve been so sick in my latter teens I really can’t deal with any major stressful situations at all. But it’s not a disappointment to me really, I never had any aspirations to become a doctor or anything else that requiers a long, stressful couple of years of education.

When I studied in school, I had really high grades but that was all because of the fact that I actually enjoyed studying and learning about everything there is. Sure, I’ve had aspirations of becoming an artist and designer but I’ve kind of switched point of view and my goals have matured since then because…

WHO gets to decide if I am an artist/designer or not? Does it have to do with how much money I make of it? My education? Does it have to do with popularity? Why can’t I be an artist for myself and my closest? It’s not like you had to be a vertified artist back in the day, It all had to do with your craft. I’m really not going to follow any silly unwritten rules when It comes to things like this.

All I want, is a life in peace, quiet and happiness that is vibrating in the sequence of love, and I’m definatley NOT going to find that in a bigger, elitilist and stressful city.

 

/Viola Whimsical