Unbreakable bitch

Hi dear people who read my blog!

Today I feel like an unbreakable bitch. A boss ass lady with a bright future.

I’m fighting for the future. Fighting for a future where I can be who I truly am. Because I’m not fully who I’m supposed to be right now. I’m not unhealthy in my ultimate state.  I’m not defined or controlled by an illness in any shape or form in my ultimate state. I’m limitless. I’m fucking light and healthy in my true form. I’m so happy and grateful for my doctor and medication and myself, now whilst feeling stable, I’m finally getting a real chance of cleaning up the mess that my illness and traumas left behind.

I’m planning to have a few smaller goals on my way, giving myself the opportunity to spoil myself when I pass these goals.

My ultimate goal is loosing 40kg in the end. It might take a while, because I’m not going to push myself too hard, for that is not healty if you want to keep your new healthy habits in your new life after you pass the ultimate goal.

 

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Post workout selfie.

 

 

Mwah! ;*

Stay humble but sharp as a diamond

Yours truly,

/Viola Whimsical

Long time no see (Life update)

Hi! It’s been a while. 

Here an explanation will follow…

I’ve been taking care of myself, slowly changing back to who I used to be. Taking care of my physical health. It’s something that is so easily lost however, so I need to practice my lost self dicipline everyday, cause in my situation I need to loose weight in order to feel good about myself again. 

I want to feel light and healthy again and this damn situation with my mental health isn’t getting any better if I stay at this weight. I need to move on from this post trauma(s) gaining weight shit. If I could explain how my body feel like in one word it would be heavy. I feel heavy. And it doesn’t feel good! 

Exercising outside in the forest, I already do that. I need some killer belly exercise asap. Need to remember that. (Yes I tend to keep forgetting everything all the time, that is also post trauma shit…so this is like a little reminder for myself, not only a blogpost♡) 

On an end note, today I’ve been dreaming about picking up youtube again, but this time for real. I’d love to become a youtuber one day. Spreading awareness about mental illness and practicing my creativity with an audience. It would probably make me even stronger! Maybe one day you’ll all hear about me ;)♡

Tihi, now I need some sleep. 

Sincerely, 

/Viola Whimsical

Update: Dreams coming true! (longing for a new forest home in the autumn)

Hi all!

Welcome back to my blog.

I’m so happy. I feel like I’ve found peace in my mind. First of all, I’m continuing to feel stable in my mind. I take forest walks outside each day, and started my weightloss journey for real. My future is bright like the stars in the sky. I feel so inspired to do good things for myself, which is kind of ”new” to me since I always tend to put other people before myself, while feeling down and feeling like I’m not worth the hassle of taking the time to do good for myself.

With that said, I got even bigger plans for the autumn… A big dream coming true….

*Deep breath*

I’m (probably) finally moving!

TO A FOREST HOME.

It’s truly all I ever wanted, and with my forever love too! And I wrote (probably)moving because you never know what happends… the houses we’re looking at now, might not be availible later. But our goal is to be moving to a forest home some time during autumn.

I’m truly so happy you guys… I want to cry, actually I’m crying right now…

That’s what I love about life, it can all change for the better in just months or weeks. Even if you have a horrible illness or had a hard life, or both, everything might change over one night! Just hold on!

From the

HAPPIEST GIRL EVER,

blessed be )O(

//Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

Better health? Thoughts and why I’m not going to any bigger cities or events that I planned this summer

Hi everyone.

I’m doing better with my health overall. I’ve gotten a lot more stable and my emotions aren’t switching as often now. For those of you who are new here and doesn’t know much about me, I’m bipolar and have made several posts about this and you can find them under my blog category ”Mental health”.  I’m also making progress in my physical well being.

My situation right now is kind of frustrating. Still being home sick without going to school or a job.

I feel like I see how society works a lot clearer now when I’m currently being kind of like an outcast of it and it is not a pretty sight at all. I try not to get to frustrated with things I cannot change so I think I’m just going to leave it like that, It’s not a pretty sight, period.

That Stockholm trip I made really destroyed me. I know I’m never moving to a bigger city. I feel so out of touch with everything while being there, in a bigger city. The Stockholm trip affected me so much that I’m going to cancel all of my traveling plans this summer. I’m not going to go to the festival I booked and other events in larger towns. I feel like I’ve built up this very fragile security in my mental state and I don’t want to risk loosing it because of stress or anything like that.

With that being said, I really feel like I know how my future is going to have to look now, and I’m fine with it. Since I’ve been so sick in my latter teens I really can’t deal with any major stressful situations at all. But it’s not a disappointment to me really, I never had any aspirations to become a doctor or anything else that requiers a long, stressful couple of years of education.

When I studied in school, I had really high grades but that was all because of the fact that I actually enjoyed studying and learning about everything there is. Sure, I’ve had aspirations of becoming an artist and designer but I’ve kind of switched point of view and my goals have matured since then because…

WHO gets to decide if I am an artist/designer or not? Does it have to do with how much money I make of it? My education? Does it have to do with popularity? Why can’t I be an artist for myself and my closest? It’s not like you had to be a vertified artist back in the day, It all had to do with your craft. I’m really not going to follow any silly unwritten rules when It comes to things like this.

All I want, is a life in peace, quiet and happiness that is vibrating in the sequence of love, and I’m definatley NOT going to find that in a bigger, elitilist and stressful city.

 

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laboured day turned into a beautiful one

Hi and welcome back today to my blog.

Today’s been rough on me, but I actually managed to turn it around myself and that surely is a healthy sign. I spoiled myself today.

First I went to my local second hand shop and bought a few things on saaale, as if it weren’t cheap enough haha. (Might show you in another later post today.)

Then I was so disapointed because I gained some weight since last time I got checked on a weight watchers meeting 2 weeks ago. Started hating on myself and got quite self destructive in my thoughts but I MANAGED TO SNAP OUT OF IT. Which is a HUGE thing to me, I can’t remember the last time where I actually managed to take back control after I started self hating. I feel powerful, I am powerful.

And to make a mark for myself that I actually do care about myself and I only deserve the best I went to my favourite store in my hometown and bought me an amethyst pendulum, some marvelous room spray scented fresh linen and two tumbled rocks, moonstone for celebrating my femininity and flourite for absorbing and neutralizing negative energies. Then I took a short walk down the street to my favourite resturant in my hometown and bought sushi that tasted like heaven.

 

Now I only have to keep my head above the deep dragging water for the rest of the day.

Tomorrow I’m going visit my cute grandpa and then I’m going to go to my first orienteering since my middle school days.

Also on Friday I’m going to catch up with my best girl Noah.

There’s always things to look forward to in life, If you look really closely, you’ll most certainly always find something, if not then look forward to the day when things turn around for you and try if you can, to actively work for it! Life is today, right now. It might be too late tomorrow, so get on with things today if you can.

 

Love and blessings,

)O(

/Viola Whimsical

 

Thoughts of today that I want to share

Hi. It’s been a while since I shared my current thoughts on life and everything that is going on in my little world.

It’s been a living hell taking quitting an unwanted medication I’ve been having since 2014, aka the one whom made me lose control over my physical health. It’s better now though, but when you quit a medication you often develope symptoms as when you started taking it. So I’ve been an angry wasp and lost my shit by myself. I’m so glad it’s gone now. I’m not 100% symptom free though, I still get angry when things aren’t going as planned. I’m going to give it as long as it takes to settle down with everything.

Writing from an anxiety free state of mind today. It’s been so long since I had anxiety that I almost think that something is wrong lol.

What else is going on in my world? Oh yeah I started going to these weight watchers meetings and using their app and everything so I guess you can call it an investment in my future and physical health. I’m so over saying that ”today I’m starting my new life!” and shit like that though because it just makes it even worse if you don’t succed, but one shall not give up, try again! I will not call it my new life though, I shall call it a new chapter where I try to do my best if I am able to, to increase my life quality.

Overall thoughts on the outside world, hmm, I’m not outside my own world anymore since I deleted all my social media except my blog and youtube and I never read the mainstream news or watch tv so I can’t talk so much about that. Plus I live in a small forest town far away from bigger cities so I’m not apart of that in my daily life either. But I can however, share my story on why I quit and why I’m not into that anymore.

Well, I’m really sensitive and reading/ watching the news brings me down so, so much that I simply can’t function. So that’s what’s up with the news thing, The social media bit is pretty much the same thing. I also can’t deal with the stress social media brings into my dailiy life. And for me it serves no purpose either as I see through a lot of the double standard elitist shit that Is everywhere, especially on instagram.

A lot of people that I’ve known in real life or met that where not nice has become famous on alternative social media and it fucks with my head with the knowledge of what they’ve done to me and others and then they’re getting worshipped like gods by people who just like their apprerance. You see, the outside world feels so cold and hollow and I’ve actively choosen to participate as little as I can.

Elitists are everywhere, showing off ”fancy” and expensive status symbols and making everyone feel like they’re less successful than them, just because they have that stupid thing with a brand name on it. I’m so sick of that! I know I get influenced a bit too, even if it’s just a little, but that’s how the (makeup/ clothing) companies profit, on everyones insecurities. I think it’s funny too, as far as alternative subculture goes, there are elitists in every corner today who’ve totally interpreted the subcultures wrong. GOTH- born from punk. PUNK- born from a diy, rising against the system state of mind. And a ton of goths and punks today only buy or get sponsored by these companies that doesn’t even care about the subculture in the end. Just like mainstream consumers. I think It’s so sad.

I’ve left labeling myself, only focusing on what I like, instead of putting myself in limited boxes, I think It was a good strategy in school, when I knew I was diffrent but couldn’t explain myself when people asked, to point at goth and be like ”that’s who I am” because that’s how people work. They’ve got to put everyone in boxes so they can understand the world and people easier.

Today I however feel a positive vibe on how I feel with my life. I went out for almost an hour to walk in the forest earlier. It heals my broken soul. Writing help me to heal a lot too. ALSO, making to do lists to make daily life easier when It’s hard helps a fucking ton!

 

I’m in a writing mood so I might make some more posts today.

 

Remember, the best thing about the future is that it’s coming one day at a time and not all at once.

 

Blessed be )O(,

/Viola Whimsical

Thoughts on the ”IDGAF”-attitude

Hi!

Today I thought I would write a little bit on the ”I don’t give a fuck”-attitude that I strive towards to have in  life.

 

japanese, quote, and japan-bild

The thing I mean when I write ”IDGAF”- attitude is the act of taking care of yourself when society and people in general try to change you or bring you down. It is not equal to not caring about everyone else and be a complete douchebag. I also mean that a ”IDGAF”-attitude includes the ability to trust your gut feeling and not value what other people say too much and absolutely not more than your own opinions on yourself and your life.

 

Take care of eachother!

/ Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Hej!

Idag tänkte jag att jag skulle skriva lite på ”I don’t give a fuck”-attityden jag strävar efter att ha i livet.

japanese, quote, and japan-bild

Det jag menar när jag skriver ”IDGAF”-attityd är akten att ta hand om sig själv när samhället och andra personer överhuvudtaget, försöker ändra dig eller såra dig. Notera att den här attityden är inte lika med att aldrig bry sig om andra och vara en skitstövel. Jag  menar även att en ”IDGAF”-attityd inkluderar förmågan att lita på sin magkänsla och inte värdera vad andra människor säger för mycket samt att absolut inte värdera de åsikterna mer än sina egna åsikter på sig själv och sitt liv.

 

Ta hand om varandra!

/Viola Whimsical

I wish

I wish I had the motivation to get my art projects done and make my visions reality. Sadly I’m not there yet.

 I might be climbing up from the dark pit that is depression but I have so much work to do on myself in order to get on with life. I have to clean up after my depression that hopefully have left for a while… it’s not a “pretty” sight. I need to woooooorkkkkkk on myself. Starting right now. 

But I’ll never forget to love myself FIRST ever again!♡



/ Viola Whimsical

Life update- Swedish blogpost update, Bipolar madness, skiing and well being

Hello.

I thought I would make an effort and start blogging in swedish as well as english, so from now on you’ll see the each blogpost in Swedish in the second part of the blogpost. 🙂

Today is a pretty good day since I feel like I’m making the right desicions for myself and can express my situation in words so I thought I would write some.

I’ve discovered that being bipolar and blogging is hard actually. But mostly for the reader I  can imagine. One day  I’m fine and then I all of a sudden the next day I want to die or something in that sense. I think for someone standing outside of my madness, watching it all it must be quite hard to follow. The thing is I’m still struggling with myself to get the right kind of medication and a lifestyle that will benefit me the most in my life so everything is extremely upside down right now.

I have started to work out again each day and I can already tell there is improvement in my mental health. I can barely wait to see the differance this will make in my physical well being as well…I’ve got many ideas on how I want to exercise during the diffrent seasons of the year. Since It’s winter skiing becomes relevant again which I for years have wanted to try out again, I think the last time I went skiing was in third grade haha.

I had a breakdown a few weeks ago when I got a full blown anxiety attack and wanted to end it all. One week  ago I had to go to the psychiatric ward because I felt like I wanted to hurt myself and I didn’t want that to happen but I got no help what so ever and had to go home without anything to calm me down. I believe that I could have just talked on the phone with them instead but they thought I should come in for valuation, and I still didn’t get any help.

There might be some more blogposts during the day since this is a good writing day.

Hugs,

/Viola Whimsical

 


 

Hej.

Tänkte jag även skulle börja blogga på svenska. Jag hoppas ni svenskar nu anstränger er och läser bloggen då det kommer ta mycket tid att översätta alla kommande inlägg för mig. 🙂

Idag är en bra dag då jag känner att jag tar rätt beslut i mitt liv och kan uttrycka min livssituation i ord så jag passar på att skriva lite.

Jag har upptäckt att vara bipolär och bloggare samtidigt är ganska svårt. Men mest för läsaren kan jag nog föreställa mig. En dag mår jag bra och helt plötsligt nästa dag vill jag dö eller något i den stilen. Jag får för mig att för någon som står utanför av mina galenskaper och som ser allting, måste det vara svårt att hänga med. Saken är den att jag fortfarande kämpar med mig själv, att få rätt medicin och livsstil som blir mest till min fördel i livet så allting är extremt upp och ner just nu.

Jag har börjat träna varje dag och jag kan redan nu känna positiv förändring i mitt psykiska mående. Kan knappt bärga mig att se skillnaden det kommer göra i min fysiska hälsa också…Har många idéer om hur jag ska röra på mig under de olika årstiderna. Nu på vintern blir ju tex skidåkning aktuelllt igen vilket jag flera år tillbaka viljat prova på igen, senast jag åkte skider var nog när jag gick i trean haha.

Jag hade ett sammanbrott för några veckor sedan då jag fick en extremt stark ångestattack och ville avsluta mitt liv. För en vecka sedan var jag tvungen att åka till psykiatriska akutmottagningen för det kändes som jag ville skada mig själv och jag ville inte att det skulle hända så jag åkte dit, men jag fick ingen hjälp överhuvudtaget. Jag tycker att jag skulle kunnat prata med dem i telefon istället men de tyckte jag skulle komma ner till Karlstad för utvärdering, men fick som sagt ingen hjälp trots mina självskadetankar.

Kanske kommer flera inlägg under dagen då jag känner att det är en bra skrivardag idag.

Kramar,

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

Tomorrow my new life begins

Hi.

There was a time when I used to live very healthy. I ate nothing unhealthy and did my workouts regulary. I was happy with my body.

To gain control over my health even more than with medication and therapy I will begin to take small steps back towards living a healthy life.

How I will start:

In this month, October I will begin to stop eating too sugary and too fat snacks/food. That means I will eat nothing more like candy, chips, cookies and ice cream.

In November I will slowly begin to find a work out routine again that I will be able to carry through in my dorm room. The reason behind that I want to take everything so slowy is because when you’re going to change your lifestyle it is much easier to keep on going if you take it slow. I do at least think and know so since I’ve done this before, it is much easier to hold on to your changes if everything is carefully planned and with no perticular stress or pressure besides your goals.

My goals with this:

My main goal with this is to be a healthier, happier person and to take back the control I once had over my life. Only I can do this for myself. I deserve happiness and a good health both mentally and physically.

However I have a few milestones I’d like to add as well, that I would be more than happy to one day check all of these boxes…:

  • Be comfortable and love my body entirely again.
  • Be more comfortable in summer with the heat.
  • Be able to fit into all of my lolita clothes again and comfortably.
  • Be able to work out at least 10 min each day if I feel like it.

These milestones might not be a big deal for you but they are for me. I will be very happy when one day can look back at this and feel so proud of myself because I changed my life for the better.

Here is some inspiration coming my way (and yours too if you need it or want it!)

again, confidence, and failure-bildsuccess, try, and ideas-bild

fitness, inspiration, and motivation-bild

quote and motivation-bild

quote, believe, and think-bild

crown, quote, and always-bild

Best wishes and good luck! ♥

/ Viola Whimsical