Update- Killing it at the gym, my health plan

Hi and welcome back to the faerieland!

I hope you’re feeling good and are healthy. I’m getting there one step at a time. I’m in the middle of transforming my body. And I’m well on my way, working out at the gym each day fighting for my ultimate health. I don’t get anxiety anymore, It kind of struck me as I wrote this, the constant anxiety I used to have is gone. The background noise inside my head has stopped. I couldn’t be more grateful right now. I’m so happy to have myself, that I’ve chosen to fight against my demons despite everything I’ve been through. Giving up is never a fucking option, quitting this life, dying earlier than I should’ve, nope. I’m going to do my very best to keep the bipolar illness away from my life, I’m unstoppable.

Strong as f u c k !

Plan.

I’ll continue to work out each day until I get my ultimate, healthy body back. When I reach my goals, I’ll gradually reduce how often I work out, probably keep it to kill it a  couple of times a week but I’ll definitely take walks each day. And eating healthy, yasss of course! When I’m creating this lifestyle again for me, I’m keeping it for good. I’m tired of being ill!

Weight gain stopped my life for about a year. I basically haven’t been creating anything since I gained so much, the things I want to wear no longer fitted and I didn’t want to create anything new since I knew I wouldn’t want to be stuck in that body prison forever. Now I dare to dream up new creations again.

The key in my life right now is health.

And I love it.

Sincerely, 

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

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Two months absence…

Hi and welcome back to the faerieland!

Sooo I have been gone for two months…If I could explain it in words they would probably be identity crisis and soul searching. I totally went out in space and questioned everything I could ever question in my life. So yeah, I got off track there for a second (2 months..). It was quite scary. I didn’t recognize myself in anything, my mind, my behaviour, what my life currently is, my face-EVERYTHING was thorn down to pieces and analysed!

I went so deep within myself and to become myself again I had to turn and ask my 14-15 year old self what the fuck I was doing. I snapped out of it, and here I am world!

When I was 14-15, I was a humble young lady confident enough to break all the rules, thinking she’s the hottest shit in town. I had outlandish self control and self love enough to carry myself through the latter terrible years of middle school. The other night I even found some old videos of me, capturing myself on good days in good moods. It makes me happy to see her smiling, it makes me think that all those years where not all bad all the time after all. 🙂

14-15 year old Linnéa, I rise my tea cup for you and I’m really fighting to emerge from this selfharming state of mind. I really am! I admire you!

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Don’t jude a girl by her middle finger. Selfie from 2012

Sincerely,

Viola whimsical

Unbreakable bitch

Hi dear people who read my blog!

Today I feel like an unbreakable bitch. A boss ass lady with a bright future.

I’m fighting for the future. Fighting for a future where I can be who I truly am. Because I’m not fully who I’m supposed to be right now. I’m not unhealthy in my ultimate state.  I’m not defined or controlled by an illness in any shape or form in my ultimate state. I’m limitless. I’m fucking light and healthy in my true form. I’m so happy and grateful for my doctor and medication and myself, now whilst feeling stable, I’m finally getting a real chance of cleaning up the mess that my illness and traumas left behind.

I’m planning to have a few smaller goals on my way, giving myself the opportunity to spoil myself when I pass these goals.

My ultimate goal is loosing 40kg in the end. It might take a while, because I’m not going to push myself too hard, for that is not healty if you want to keep your new healthy habits in your new life after you pass the ultimate goal.

 

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Post workout selfie.

 

 

Mwah! ;*

Stay humble but sharp as a diamond

Yours truly,

/Viola Whimsical

Long time no see (Life update)

Hi! It’s been a while. 

Here an explanation will follow…

I’ve been taking care of myself, slowly changing back to who I used to be. Taking care of my physical health. It’s something that is so easily lost however, so I need to practice my lost self dicipline everyday, cause in my situation I need to loose weight in order to feel good about myself again. 

I want to feel light and healthy again and this damn situation with my mental health isn’t getting any better if I stay at this weight. I need to move on from this post trauma(s) gaining weight shit. If I could explain how my body feel like in one word it would be heavy. I feel heavy. And it doesn’t feel good! 

Exercising outside in the forest, I already do that. I need some killer belly exercise asap. Need to remember that. (Yes I tend to keep forgetting everything all the time, that is also post trauma shit…so this is like a little reminder for myself, not only a blogpost♡) 

On an end note, today I’ve been dreaming about picking up youtube again, but this time for real. I’d love to become a youtuber one day. Spreading awareness about mental illness and practicing my creativity with an audience. It would probably make me even stronger! Maybe one day you’ll all hear about me ;)♡

Tihi, now I need some sleep. 

Sincerely, 

/Viola Whimsical

Update: Dreams coming true! (longing for a new forest home in the autumn)

Hi all!

Welcome back to my blog.

I’m so happy. I feel like I’ve found peace in my mind. First of all, I’m continuing to feel stable in my mind. I take forest walks outside each day, and started my weightloss journey for real. My future is bright like the stars in the sky. I feel so inspired to do good things for myself, which is kind of ”new” to me since I always tend to put other people before myself, while feeling down and feeling like I’m not worth the hassle of taking the time to do good for myself.

With that said, I got even bigger plans for the autumn… A big dream coming true….

*Deep breath*

I’m (probably) finally moving!

TO A FOREST HOME.

It’s truly all I ever wanted, and with my forever love too! And I wrote (probably)moving because you never know what happends… the houses we’re looking at now, might not be availible later. But our goal is to be moving to a forest home some time during autumn.

I’m truly so happy you guys… I want to cry, actually I’m crying right now…

That’s what I love about life, it can all change for the better in just months or weeks. Even if you have a horrible illness or had a hard life, or both, everything might change over one night! Just hold on!

From the

HAPPIEST GIRL EVER,

blessed be )O(

//Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

Better health? Thoughts and why I’m not going to any bigger cities or events that I planned this summer

Hi everyone.

I’m doing better with my health overall. I’ve gotten a lot more stable and my emotions aren’t switching as often now. For those of you who are new here and doesn’t know much about me, I’m bipolar and have made several posts about this and you can find them under my blog category ”Mental health”.  I’m also making progress in my physical well being.

My situation right now is kind of frustrating. Still being home sick without going to school or a job.

I feel like I see how society works a lot clearer now when I’m currently being kind of like an outcast of it and it is not a pretty sight at all. I try not to get to frustrated with things I cannot change so I think I’m just going to leave it like that, It’s not a pretty sight, period.

That Stockholm trip I made really destroyed me. I know I’m never moving to a bigger city. I feel so out of touch with everything while being there, in a bigger city. The Stockholm trip affected me so much that I’m going to cancel all of my traveling plans this summer. I’m not going to go to the festival I booked and other events in larger towns. I feel like I’ve built up this very fragile security in my mental state and I don’t want to risk loosing it because of stress or anything like that.

With that being said, I really feel like I know how my future is going to have to look now, and I’m fine with it. Since I’ve been so sick in my latter teens I really can’t deal with any major stressful situations at all. But it’s not a disappointment to me really, I never had any aspirations to become a doctor or anything else that requiers a long, stressful couple of years of education.

When I studied in school, I had really high grades but that was all because of the fact that I actually enjoyed studying and learning about everything there is. Sure, I’ve had aspirations of becoming an artist and designer but I’ve kind of switched point of view and my goals have matured since then because…

WHO gets to decide if I am an artist/designer or not? Does it have to do with how much money I make of it? My education? Does it have to do with popularity? Why can’t I be an artist for myself and my closest? It’s not like you had to be a vertified artist back in the day, It all had to do with your craft. I’m really not going to follow any silly unwritten rules when It comes to things like this.

All I want, is a life in peace, quiet and happiness that is vibrating in the sequence of love, and I’m definatley NOT going to find that in a bigger, elitilist and stressful city.

 

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laboured day turned into a beautiful one

Hi and welcome back today to my blog.

Today’s been rough on me, but I actually managed to turn it around myself and that surely is a healthy sign. I spoiled myself today.

First I went to my local second hand shop and bought a few things on saaale, as if it weren’t cheap enough haha. (Might show you in another later post today.)

Then I was so disapointed because I gained some weight since last time I got checked on a weight watchers meeting 2 weeks ago. Started hating on myself and got quite self destructive in my thoughts but I MANAGED TO SNAP OUT OF IT. Which is a HUGE thing to me, I can’t remember the last time where I actually managed to take back control after I started self hating. I feel powerful, I am powerful.

And to make a mark for myself that I actually do care about myself and I only deserve the best I went to my favourite store in my hometown and bought me an amethyst pendulum, some marvelous room spray scented fresh linen and two tumbled rocks, moonstone for celebrating my femininity and flourite for absorbing and neutralizing negative energies. Then I took a short walk down the street to my favourite resturant in my hometown and bought sushi that tasted like heaven.

 

Now I only have to keep my head above the deep dragging water for the rest of the day.

Tomorrow I’m going visit my cute grandpa and then I’m going to go to my first orienteering since my middle school days.

Also on Friday I’m going to catch up with my best girl Noah.

There’s always things to look forward to in life, If you look really closely, you’ll most certainly always find something, if not then look forward to the day when things turn around for you and try if you can, to actively work for it! Life is today, right now. It might be too late tomorrow, so get on with things today if you can.

 

Love and blessings,

)O(

/Viola Whimsical

 

Thoughts of today that I want to share

Hi. It’s been a while since I shared my current thoughts on life and everything that is going on in my little world.

It’s been a living hell taking quitting an unwanted medication I’ve been having since 2014, aka the one whom made me lose control over my physical health. It’s better now though, but when you quit a medication you often develope symptoms as when you started taking it. So I’ve been an angry wasp and lost my shit by myself. I’m so glad it’s gone now. I’m not 100% symptom free though, I still get angry when things aren’t going as planned. I’m going to give it as long as it takes to settle down with everything.

Writing from an anxiety free state of mind today. It’s been so long since I had anxiety that I almost think that something is wrong lol.

What else is going on in my world? Oh yeah I started going to these weight watchers meetings and using their app and everything so I guess you can call it an investment in my future and physical health. I’m so over saying that ”today I’m starting my new life!” and shit like that though because it just makes it even worse if you don’t succed, but one shall not give up, try again! I will not call it my new life though, I shall call it a new chapter where I try to do my best if I am able to, to increase my life quality.

Overall thoughts on the outside world, hmm, I’m not outside my own world anymore since I deleted all my social media except my blog and youtube and I never read the mainstream news or watch tv so I can’t talk so much about that. Plus I live in a small forest town far away from bigger cities so I’m not apart of that in my daily life either. But I can however, share my story on why I quit and why I’m not into that anymore.

Well, I’m really sensitive and reading/ watching the news brings me down so, so much that I simply can’t function. So that’s what’s up with the news thing, The social media bit is pretty much the same thing. I also can’t deal with the stress social media brings into my dailiy life. And for me it serves no purpose either as I see through a lot of the double standard elitist shit that Is everywhere, especially on instagram.

A lot of people that I’ve known in real life or met that where not nice has become famous on alternative social media and it fucks with my head with the knowledge of what they’ve done to me and others and then they’re getting worshipped like gods by people who just like their apprerance. You see, the outside world feels so cold and hollow and I’ve actively choosen to participate as little as I can.

Elitists are everywhere, showing off ”fancy” and expensive status symbols and making everyone feel like they’re less successful than them, just because they have that stupid thing with a brand name on it. I’m so sick of that! I know I get influenced a bit too, even if it’s just a little, but that’s how the (makeup/ clothing) companies profit, on everyones insecurities. I think it’s funny too, as far as alternative subculture goes, there are elitists in every corner today who’ve totally interpreted the subcultures wrong. GOTH- born from punk. PUNK- born from a diy, rising against the system state of mind. And a ton of goths and punks today only buy or get sponsored by these companies that doesn’t even care about the subculture in the end. Just like mainstream consumers. I think It’s so sad.

I’ve left labeling myself, only focusing on what I like, instead of putting myself in limited boxes, I think It was a good strategy in school, when I knew I was diffrent but couldn’t explain myself when people asked, to point at goth and be like ”that’s who I am” because that’s how people work. They’ve got to put everyone in boxes so they can understand the world and people easier.

Today I however feel a positive vibe on how I feel with my life. I went out for almost an hour to walk in the forest earlier. It heals my broken soul. Writing help me to heal a lot too. ALSO, making to do lists to make daily life easier when It’s hard helps a fucking ton!

 

I’m in a writing mood so I might make some more posts today.

 

Remember, the best thing about the future is that it’s coming one day at a time and not all at once.

 

Blessed be )O(,

/Viola Whimsical

Thoughts on the ”IDGAF”-attitude

Hi!

Today I thought I would write a little bit on the ”I don’t give a fuck”-attitude that I strive towards to have in  life.

 

japanese, quote, and japan-bild

The thing I mean when I write ”IDGAF”- attitude is the act of taking care of yourself when society and people in general try to change you or bring you down. It is not equal to not caring about everyone else and be a complete douchebag. I also mean that a ”IDGAF”-attitude includes the ability to trust your gut feeling and not value what other people say too much and absolutely not more than your own opinions on yourself and your life.

 

Take care of eachother!

/ Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Hej!

Idag tänkte jag att jag skulle skriva lite på ”I don’t give a fuck”-attityden jag strävar efter att ha i livet.

japanese, quote, and japan-bild

Det jag menar när jag skriver ”IDGAF”-attityd är akten att ta hand om sig själv när samhället och andra personer överhuvudtaget, försöker ändra dig eller såra dig. Notera att den här attityden är inte lika med att aldrig bry sig om andra och vara en skitstövel. Jag  menar även att en ”IDGAF”-attityd inkluderar förmågan att lita på sin magkänsla och inte värdera vad andra människor säger för mycket samt att absolut inte värdera de åsikterna mer än sina egna åsikter på sig själv och sitt liv.

 

Ta hand om varandra!

/Viola Whimsical

I wish

I wish I had the motivation to get my art projects done and make my visions reality. Sadly I’m not there yet.

 I might be climbing up from the dark pit that is depression but I have so much work to do on myself in order to get on with life. I have to clean up after my depression that hopefully have left for a while… it’s not a “pretty” sight. I need to woooooorkkkkkk on myself. Starting right now. 

But I’ll never forget to love myself FIRST ever again!♡



/ Viola Whimsical