Doll unboxing, associating and planting

Hello and welcome back to the faerieland!

Today I’ve been to the post office and recieved a very fun package, my first icy doll! I made a very quick unboxing of her that you can watch below.

Later on I went to my friend Noah to hang out for most of the day, I ended up feeling really tired so they where nice and gave me a ride home. I just got back in from planting my pretty plants which where crammed into small pots before, they wanted to get into some bigger pots to grow even more. How I love plants. They’re amazing that’s for sure! I’m not super educated on planting yet but I’ll learn more and more since I love it, I feel like It’s spiritual preparing and taking care of a little life like that.


My garden is growing more and more as well, the sunflowers and pumpkins are literally sprouting with life. I also watered them. I don’t really have much more to say right now, so I guess I’m done for now. Have a great time until next time!

 

Sincerely,

/Viola Whimsical

 

The very fearful person I’ve become, elks and brain reprogramming

Hello you beautiful people.

As I’m writing this It’s the end of the 13th of July but the post is probably going to get published tomorrow since I started wrting just now and the clock is 23.30.

I thought I would share my thoughts that I had the other day, which I wrote down and It applies to today and all other days as well, not just that day when I took notes of my thoughts.

Since I first got sick, I’ve gradually become a more fearful person.

I mean I’m going to be upfront with you all,  I’ve always been a very anxious person who never really understood the world. It’s not that long ago that I actually came to accept it, trying to live in it, nowadays feeling like I’ve found the key to how I’m going to deal with it. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then check this post and then come back.

I think that it would be quite logic when you’ve been through hard shit your mind start to wobble and switch things around, trying to find a way to save you from more danger or spare you pain. I feel like that would be good sometimes, but not all the time. Let me give you an example,

Last autumn, when it was super beautiful outside in nature I started having these vivid dreams about elks appearing close to me and/or attacking me. I’ve seen many elks before in my life pretty close up, in fact I even saw a ”herd” of them when there was elk hunting here in Sweden a couple of years ago not long from where I was standing.

Anyway, back to the subject before I forget and go on and on about my vivid dreams…

I LOVE autumn and I LOVE going to the forest even more that season BUT, I couldn’t for the life of me get out and walk in it because I was so afraid. Sometimes this fear still comes back to me for a while and I can’t go to the forest. I really do respect those beautiful animals, they’re very big and powerful creatures. My mind is always analyzing every single detail so my brain started taking my dreams as an actual truth and wouldn’t let me out to the forest. It’s not me analyzing that is bad I think, I’m built that way, It’s when the analyzing takes over and limits you on your daily basis that is bad.

I’ve so gotten submissive to these bad thoughts about everything, that everything dangerous is going to happen to me, that everything IS a bit or very dangerous,  that I’m a  worthless human being and so on. There has been times when I’ve felt like I want to stay inside since I’ve felt so scared to go outside. Thank you brain, it’s probably just you trying to help me (not the latter written though…) but the line has been crossed so long ago that I don’t recordnize those days by myself  when I wasn’t controlled by you !

The thing is we CAN’T sheild ourselves from exactly everything. Then we all would miss out on so many great things.

I dislike big cities, so I will not go to the big cities if I don’t have to. And that’s good, don’t force yourself into hard situations if it’s not important to you or if you don’t have to! Bad is when daily activites get unachievable or dreams get crushed because of your fears.

And now, whilst being the most stable I’ve been in a few years, I’ve started to work on that part. I’m healing and guiding my brain. Reprogramming if you will perhaps. I’m having this concept in my head called ”The white and black bird”, where it’s basically the light vs darkness which is kind of a shallow concept to be honest (if I where to be picky, with dark always being bad and light always good etc.) but whatever cause it works! The white bird is supposed to help me from the black bird who is hurting me.

One of the most amazing feelings ever has gotten to be you feeling like you’re changing yourself for the good and that it’s truly working. To have control over your life and own thoughts!

Now I need to go to sleep. Thank you for reading.

Be kind to yourselves!

 

Kisses,

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

Change is in the air

I can feel the change in the air, especially so clear today.

I feel like a strong force today. I’m a bit angry. I feel like throwing away all my shit. Just live in my room without any clutter. Throw away all my non nature inspired clothes and just live in my oversized dresses and skirts.

I took my daily walk, only much earlier than I usally walk, and It was amazing. I totally forgot how amazing it is to walk early in the morning. I feel so connected to mother nature. At the same time as I felt really connected to nature I felt so disconnected to mankind. I often think long and hard on this subject. Why is mankind so hateful? So false? So vain? So disrespectful? The list is goes on and on. It is so clear to me today, I mean, it kind of  always is in the back of my head but it was so very clear today. I will not participate. In fact, I refuse. I will live in the forest in a cottage, go to work and do grocery shopping and run other errands like going to the bank and to my psychologist in a town, but that’s it. I’ve totally had it.

The world is cruel and I’m sensitive and I don’t recordnize the way most people aspires to live their life. I have no intentions of ever living in a big town, climbing the status ladder, owning expensive brand shit and having a high status job, on concrete streets filled with ”everything you need”.

No. In fact It doesn’t have everything I need. I need trees, I need fresh air, I need flowers. I need brooks and wilderness. I need SPACE.

I feel like when I was younger  I watched this kind of life from a far distance, dreaming of it, seeing it from a small town person perspective. Very exotic. And I always got told that everyone is so much more openminded in the cities, that’s what really attracted me. Then I went to school in a greater city, got sick from all the stress and unnatural inviroments. The city and all It’s competitive humans drained all my energy. I realised I didn’t fit in after all.

My much more quicker recovery than expected depended a lot on getting back to the daily forest walks and runs when I returned home.

When I get healthy enough to work, I’m going to save as much as I can to pursue my dream of living in the forest. Without stress, without interacting with too many humans. Just with those people who I’ve chosen to getting to be a apart of my life.

I get more sensitive for each day. I never watch the news for example. It breaks my heart. The time has come. The storm has passed. I need to get my life together. Get healthy in both my mental and physical state, which I’m well on my way to being. Getting my drivers license, get a job and off we go. Into the forest, away from this cruel world, and into my own that I’ve cultivated.

Ohh, how I long for that day, when I’m sitting in my cottage, in the middle of the forest.

Best of wishes,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Life update- sore, house dreaming and a wrong way to deal with anxiety

Hi all.

Today I’m extremely bored and tired. My body is super sore and weird feeling.

Yesterday night I looked at some pictures of girls with rainbow hair. It was truly fabulous. Must’ve been a pain to dye though. Kind of like mine was when I had pink and blue hair. The blue colour gets into the pink and aaah it was frustrating. Maybe I was to sloppy or didn’t do it correct. Knowing myself I might try it again soon.

In these days I’ve gotten the attention span of a 3 year old though. According to my psychologist it’s something you can get a bit better at, with some training. I feel so boring and grey, might need some more rainbows in my life.

Also, me and my fiancé Marcus have been talking to my grandpa about renting his old house in a tiny village south of my hometown, It might happen, might not. I know that I always get my hopes up so high when we find a house we like, but like you’ve probably noticed by now before, I’ve stopped writing about it since It has not worked out yet. Hopefully, we might, just might be able to get It this time. The house is so big, that I would be able to get a crafting room, doll room and guinea pig room if I wanted and still have some spare rooms, haha. It’s not forever, but me Marcus and the piggies would probably make it a momentarily home filled with love. Ahhhh, I’m getting ahead of myself now, must stop dreaming about it before I end up disappointed.

I said I was bored, and that’s partly because I’m waiting for my aliexpress and wish orders to arrive, I want them sooo bad. In a moment of massive anxiety in the middle of the night one week ago, I ordered one blythe doll, a new jointed body and a few accessories for her, the rest I have at home. I’m a bit disappointed in myself, because I turn to shopping whilst getting heavy anxiety, but I’ve gotten so much better at it. Might try to do an unboxing video of her, but it will have to be mute because I can’t stand hearing my voice right now.

That’s all for this post…

Love,

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 

Feeling quite lost sometimes in life

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog. Going quite personal and psychological with this post, just a heads up.

This post’s topic is kind of weird. I often nowadays feel quite lost with myself. I mean I know my personality traits and such but the rest is kind of a mess and as I said, I feel lost. I think it might be like this because I’m evolving, but I’ve evolved a lot into diffrent aspects and experiences and quite often but never felt anything like this that is happening right now.

Sometimes I pick up these intrests I have and focus on them a lot, but in these days this phenomenon is leaving me feeling guilty and confused. Like I picked up doll collecting again since a few months ago and I yesterday I felt totally out of place and full of guilt, like I shouldn’t like these things now as an adult. Which is strange to me since I’ve always embraced my intrests before and not caring whenever they where seen as appropriate for another age, I have 0 intention of ever abondning my inner child.

I also think a lot about how my intrests fit together and unintentionally in the back of my mind how I could make it all make sense but I just can’t. It’s frustrating. Even though I still feel like I sometimes have these moments of clarity, they’re getting less and less.

I’m so eclectic it makes me confused. I like so many diffrent things. Maybe that’s a gift, being able to appreciate so many things but It just makes me sad and confused sometimes. I think I might be in need of some structure, but on the other hand structure made me sick and made me feel so limited.

When I was in secondary school I labeled myself as goth because I wanted people to understand me better, suppressing all the other things I liked like Japanese fashion (lolita fashion) and upbeat music.

It’s so hard sometimes to stay true to yourself when everyone else wants to put you into a box so you fit in. And I never fit in! And I think that I now, at the end of this post I have gotten some clarity again.

I need both light and dark in my life since my life is so up and down all the time, and I need something to express these things through. Me being bipolar might have always influenced me, since I see beauty in both dark and light. And just a reminder, dark isn’t necessarily evil and light isn’t always good. (but that is another big topic.)

 

Sincerely,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Some doll purchasing dreams for the future

Hi!

The topic of today is something I haven’t mentioned on my blog since 2014 maybe?

A dear hobby of mine is collecting dolls, and currently I’m mostly into bratz dolls since I grew up completely obsessed with them. I thought I would share some dolls from my wishlist. There are always bratz dolls to obsess over and I constantly update my list :’).

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These two gothic midnight dance dolls where some of my favourite dolls to dream about to one day own when I was a little girl. I now own the Yasmine from this collection but I’m missing the other two goregous dolls. I got so inspired by these dolls and still am to this day and when I was younger I decorated my pants like the second midnight dance doll.

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I used to own the redhead above but then I was sooo stupid and decided to remove her face and practice facepainting dolls on her, and I threw her away. 😥

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So these are the cuties I’ll share with you today. Which doll is your favourite and do you collect dolls too? Feel free to answer in the comments 😀

 

/

Kisses

The doll maniac,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Better health? Thoughts and why I’m not going to any bigger cities or events that I planned this summer

Hi everyone.

I’m doing better with my health overall. I’ve gotten a lot more stable and my emotions aren’t switching as often now. For those of you who are new here and doesn’t know much about me, I’m bipolar and have made several posts about this and you can find them under my blog category ”Mental health”.  I’m also making progress in my physical well being.

My situation right now is kind of frustrating. Still being home sick without going to school or a job.

I feel like I see how society works a lot clearer now when I’m currently being kind of like an outcast of it and it is not a pretty sight at all. I try not to get to frustrated with things I cannot change so I think I’m just going to leave it like that, It’s not a pretty sight, period.

That Stockholm trip I made really destroyed me. I know I’m never moving to a bigger city. I feel so out of touch with everything while being there, in a bigger city. The Stockholm trip affected me so much that I’m going to cancel all of my traveling plans this summer. I’m not going to go to the festival I booked and other events in larger towns. I feel like I’ve built up this very fragile security in my mental state and I don’t want to risk loosing it because of stress or anything like that.

With that being said, I really feel like I know how my future is going to have to look now, and I’m fine with it. Since I’ve been so sick in my latter teens I really can’t deal with any major stressful situations at all. But it’s not a disappointment to me really, I never had any aspirations to become a doctor or anything else that requiers a long, stressful couple of years of education.

When I studied in school, I had really high grades but that was all because of the fact that I actually enjoyed studying and learning about everything there is. Sure, I’ve had aspirations of becoming an artist and designer but I’ve kind of switched point of view and my goals have matured since then because…

WHO gets to decide if I am an artist/designer or not? Does it have to do with how much money I make of it? My education? Does it have to do with popularity? Why can’t I be an artist for myself and my closest? It’s not like you had to be a vertified artist back in the day, It all had to do with your craft. I’m really not going to follow any silly unwritten rules when It comes to things like this.

All I want, is a life in peace, quiet and happiness that is vibrating in the sequence of love, and I’m definatley NOT going to find that in a bigger, elitilist and stressful city.

 

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 

 

 

Longing for a summer hideout+ new possibilites

Hi everyone.

I’m in quite a happy mood right now because I’ve gotten this idea that I want to hire a summer home in the forest. I got relatives who live and lived in the forest, and I might, just might have a possibility to hire that very home that my elder relatives lived in. If just for the summer as a test. I’m super stoked. The house haven’t got any running water or anything that modern. I’m pretty sure I won’t even be able to have any internet at all.

I’m so excited because this will give me a chance to actually live in the forest on my own, if only for a little while, whilst I wait for the day to come when I can actually buy a place of my own. It’s a dream coming true for me!

However there are a few obsticles that may cause a problem for me to reach this dream though, If the relative, the current owner of the house won’t budge to let me hire. And I’m really sensitive and open to energies, and I’ve always gotten the feeling that the house is haunted by my elder relatives…which I don’t know how I will react to really.

I think however, If my dream works out I will reach another deeper level of my spirituality and my mental health issues might get a lot better. I wish, I wish, I wish!!

 

BTW, I’ve gotten a new haircolour and haircut!

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/Vi

 

Photobomb- My weekend in Stockholm (Depeche mode concert)

I personally don’t photograph or film too much during concerts becaue I want to experience it fully. 

By now, people who follow this blog should be aware that I live in the forest and has no aspirations ever of leaving the forest for settling down in Stockholm. 

So yes, I didn’t photograph any of the surroundings because Stockholm is fucking ugly and concrete manmade. I also mostly suffered in Swedens capital city so I don’t want to remember anything but the concert which was great, depeche mode always put on a good show♡♡♡

The rest is lol whatever and I can live without.

/ Viola Whimsical