Feeling quite lost sometimes in life

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog. Going quite personal and psychological with this post, just a heads up.

This post’s topic is kind of weird. I often nowadays feel quite lost with myself. I mean I know my personality traits and such but the rest is kind of a mess and as I said, I feel lost. I think it might be like this because I’m evolving, but I’ve evolved a lot into diffrent aspects and experiences and quite often but never felt anything like this that is happening right now.

Sometimes I pick up these intrests I have and focus on them a lot, but in these days this phenomenon is leaving me feeling guilty and confused. Like I picked up doll collecting again since a few months ago and I yesterday I felt totally out of place and full of guilt, like I shouldn’t like these things now as an adult. Which is strange to me since I’ve always embraced my intrests before and not caring whenever they where seen as appropriate for another age, I have 0 intention of ever abondning my inner child.

I also think a lot about how my intrests fit together and unintentionally in the back of my mind how I could make it all make sense but I just can’t. It’s frustrating. Even though I still feel like I sometimes have these moments of clarity, they’re getting less and less.

I’m so eclectic it makes me confused. I like so many diffrent things. Maybe that’s a gift, being able to appreciate so many things but It just makes me sad and confused sometimes. I think I might be in need of some structure, but on the other hand structure made me sick and made me feel so limited.

When I was in secondary school I labeled myself as goth because I wanted people to understand me better, suppressing all the other things I liked like Japanese fashion (lolita fashion) and upbeat music.

It’s so hard sometimes to stay true to yourself when everyone else wants to put you into a box so you fit in. And I never fit in! And I think that I now, at the end of this post I have gotten some clarity again.

I need both light and dark in my life since my life is so up and down all the time, and I need something to express these things through. Me being bipolar might have always influenced me, since I see beauty in both dark and light. And just a reminder, dark isn’t necessarily evil and light isn’t always good. (but that is another big topic.)

 

Sincerely,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Some doll purchasing dreams for the future

Hi!

The topic of today is something I haven’t mentioned on my blog since 2014 maybe?

A dear hobby of mine is collecting dolls, and currently I’m mostly into bratz dolls since I grew up completely obsessed with them. I thought I would share some dolls from my wishlist. There are always bratz dolls to obsess over and I constantly update my list :’).

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These two gothic midnight dance dolls where some of my favourite dolls to dream about to one day own when I was a little girl. I now own the Yasmine from this collection but I’m missing the other two goregous dolls. I got so inspired by these dolls and still am to this day and when I was younger I decorated my pants like the second midnight dance doll.

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I used to own the redhead above but then I was sooo stupid and decided to remove her face and practice facepainting dolls on her, and I threw her away. 😥

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So these are the cuties I’ll share with you today. Which doll is your favourite and do you collect dolls too? Feel free to answer in the comments 😀

 

/

Kisses

The doll maniac,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Better health? Thoughts and why I’m not going to any bigger cities or events that I planned this summer

Hi everyone.

I’m doing better with my health overall. I’ve gotten a lot more stable and my emotions aren’t switching as often now. For those of you who are new here and doesn’t know much about me, I’m bipolar and have made several posts about this and you can find them under my blog category ”Mental health”.  I’m also making progress in my physical well being.

My situation right now is kind of frustrating. Still being home sick without going to school or a job.

I feel like I see how society works a lot clearer now when I’m currently being kind of like an outcast of it and it is not a pretty sight at all. I try not to get to frustrated with things I cannot change so I think I’m just going to leave it like that, It’s not a pretty sight, period.

That Stockholm trip I made really destroyed me. I know I’m never moving to a bigger city. I feel so out of touch with everything while being there, in a bigger city. The Stockholm trip affected me so much that I’m going to cancel all of my traveling plans this summer. I’m not going to go to the festival I booked and other events in larger towns. I feel like I’ve built up this very fragile security in my mental state and I don’t want to risk loosing it because of stress or anything like that.

With that being said, I really feel like I know how my future is going to have to look now, and I’m fine with it. Since I’ve been so sick in my latter teens I really can’t deal with any major stressful situations at all. But it’s not a disappointment to me really, I never had any aspirations to become a doctor or anything else that requiers a long, stressful couple of years of education.

When I studied in school, I had really high grades but that was all because of the fact that I actually enjoyed studying and learning about everything there is. Sure, I’ve had aspirations of becoming an artist and designer but I’ve kind of switched point of view and my goals have matured since then because…

WHO gets to decide if I am an artist/designer or not? Does it have to do with how much money I make of it? My education? Does it have to do with popularity? Why can’t I be an artist for myself and my closest? It’s not like you had to be a vertified artist back in the day, It all had to do with your craft. I’m really not going to follow any silly unwritten rules when It comes to things like this.

All I want, is a life in peace, quiet and happiness that is vibrating in the sequence of love, and I’m definatley NOT going to find that in a bigger, elitilist and stressful city.

 

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 

 

 

Longing for a summer hideout+ new possibilites

Hi everyone.

I’m in quite a happy mood right now because I’ve gotten this idea that I want to hire a summer home in the forest. I got relatives who live and lived in the forest, and I might, just might have a possibility to hire that very home that my elder relatives lived in. If just for the summer as a test. I’m super stoked. The house haven’t got any running water or anything that modern. I’m pretty sure I won’t even be able to have any internet at all.

I’m so excited because this will give me a chance to actually live in the forest on my own, if only for a little while, whilst I wait for the day to come when I can actually buy a place of my own. It’s a dream coming true for me!

However there are a few obsticles that may cause a problem for me to reach this dream though, If the relative, the current owner of the house won’t budge to let me hire. And I’m really sensitive and open to energies, and I’ve always gotten the feeling that the house is haunted by my elder relatives…which I don’t know how I will react to really.

I think however, If my dream works out I will reach another deeper level of my spirituality and my mental health issues might get a lot better. I wish, I wish, I wish!!

 

BTW, I’ve gotten a new haircolour and haircut!

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/Vi

 

Photobomb- My weekend in Stockholm (Depeche mode concert)

I personally don’t photograph or film too much during concerts becaue I want to experience it fully. 

By now, people who follow this blog should be aware that I live in the forest and has no aspirations ever of leaving the forest for settling down in Stockholm. 

So yes, I didn’t photograph any of the surroundings because Stockholm is fucking ugly and concrete manmade. I also mostly suffered in Swedens capital city so I don’t want to remember anything but the concert which was great, depeche mode always put on a good show♡♡♡

The rest is lol whatever and I can live without.

/ Viola Whimsical

THE AFTERMATH STOCKHOLM SYNDROME – WHY I REALLY HATE STOCKHOLM

Why I hate Stockholm and bigger cities in general: 

Crowded. Money is everything. False. Greedy. Bigots when it comes to anything but Stockholm. Vanity. Self obsession. Unkind. Unwelcoming. Cold. Psychopaths and sociopaths. Smells like urine and fecies. 

Almost got hit in the face by a freaking idiot. 

I hate Stockholm for so many reasons. Definitley nothing for me. Needed to get this out of my system before I can move on. 

/ Viola Whimsical

Laboured day turned into a beautiful one

Hi and welcome back today to my blog.

Today’s been rough on me, but I actually managed to turn it around myself and that surely is a healthy sign. I spoiled myself today.

First I went to my local second hand shop and bought a few things on saaale, as if it weren’t cheap enough haha. (Might show you in another later post today.)

Then I was so disapointed because I gained some weight since last time I got checked on a weight watchers meeting 2 weeks ago. Started hating on myself and got quite self destructive in my thoughts but I MANAGED TO SNAP OUT OF IT. Which is a HUGE thing to me, I can’t remember the last time where I actually managed to take back control after I started self hating. I feel powerful, I am powerful.

And to make a mark for myself that I actually do care about myself and I only deserve the best I went to my favourite store in my hometown and bought me an amethyst pendulum, some marvelous room spray scented fresh linen and two tumbled rocks, moonstone for celebrating my femininity and flourite for absorbing and neutralizing negative energies. Then I took a short walk down the street to my favourite resturant in my hometown and bought sushi that tasted like heaven.

 

Now I only have to keep my head above the deep dragging water for the rest of the day.

Tomorrow I’m going visit my cute grandpa and then I’m going to go to my first orienteering since my middle school days.

Also on Friday I’m going to catch up with my best girl Noah.

There’s always things to look forward to in life, If you look really closely, you’ll most certainly always find something, if not then look forward to the day when things turn around for you and try if you can, to actively work for it! Life is today, right now. It might be too late tomorrow, so get on with things today if you can.

 

Love and blessings,

)O(

/Viola Whimsical