My fashion journey so far in text

Hi all.

I’d like to write about something fun.

Fashion! (must resist urge to burst out singing along to the tune of fashion by David Bowie)

To me It’s always been so much more than just wearing what you think looks good, something much deeper. I’ve always felt an urge to express myself through different mediums, like drawing, writing and crafting but also through fashion.

Let me take you back…where my journey with fashion started.

I’ve always been a very feminine person. I liked dressing up as typical feminine characters like princesses and really kind of feminine versions of everything.

I remember that I was probably around 7 years old and I wanted to wear my favourite dress to school, mom said no and I got so upset, I just really badly wanted to be extra cute for school.  Next step in my fashion journey was around when I, a 10 year old sat down with my mom because I wanted to talk to her about my clothes, I just said that I didn’t want her to buy me any more colourful clothes, I had seen like 2 really cool alternative looking people in my hometown and I desperately wanted to befriend them, except they where about 15 and didn’t exactly want to hang out with a 10 year old. I just thought those people where so beautiful, I was never uneasy around them or feeling scared by their look.

Around 2007 (when I was 10) there where a youth magazine called ”Okej” in Sweden. I was subcribed to them and I was flicking through one of them and I saw this ad for the shop called ”shock”. The ad was really intriguing so I searched up the website and the fashion those cool people I’d seen before wear where all pretty much there.

I stalked that website for so many years, and when I finally got to the physical store in Stockholm, I died of excitement. That is where my fashion journey really started, because I’d gotten my hands on some exciting clothing and I just wanted to never wear anything else but them. I’ve always been a whole lot more on a higher level than regular people when I feel a certain feeling. Like when I’m happy I feel really really happy and with all other feelings too, they’re kind of exaggerated ( I guess?).

So maybe you can imagine what all that excitement and happiness did to me,  finding that kind of fashion changed my life, both in a good and bad way. Good because I felt right at home, switching from different colours and styles. Until I was 14. I took it way too seriously. It became a commitment to me, taking everything so literally. It stressed me out in my teens, I was supposed to keep my alternative look together and get good grades and work out and aah I just feel anxious writing about those years.

People started saying that I was weird looking, maybe because I shifted styles of clothing so much, I wanted to be a sweet lolita, goth, fairy kei, punk, decora… you name it. Miight have been standing out from the crowd a bit since my hometown is so, so small.  They didn’t get me. I started surpressing my eclectic side in fashion to become full blown dark looking, because people could easily ask why I was wearing that and I could just point to goth, now they had a word and could easily look it up if they wanted, maybe that made me less of a weirdo. They could see that I was inside a box as well, because forbid all those who break out of them. I was now limiting myself, putting myself in a strict box where I didn’t belong. Everything I put on my body had to be dark colour and everything just fell apart. I pretty much lost my love for fashion because of this.

But then, in my very late teens and now, soon at 20 I stopped taking everything so seriously and just started expressing my feelings, my love for clothing and celebrating my own unique human being on days when I feel like it instead…

Life is seriously too short to be lived inside of a box society created to easily identify and limit people. There’s really no harm in breaking out of them, expressing your own personal fashion style. It’s so much more fun out of there, I promise.

To me fashion is fun, a symbol of freedom, experimental, not too serious, a way of expressing feelings and artistic visions.

I wrote this, not only for my blog but for myself to look back on whenever I get confused by all these boxes people want me to go inside of.

I’m a very eclectic person, never have been anything other than that, never will be. I like the freedom of it you know. I just really like being free and able to do what I want.

 

Sincerely,

/Viola Whimsical 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Life update- sore, house dreaming and a wrong way to deal with anxiety

Hi all.

Today I’m extremely bored and tired. My body is super sore and weird feeling.

Yesterday night I looked at some pictures of girls with rainbow hair. It was truly fabulous. Must’ve been a pain to dye though. Kind of like mine was when I had pink and blue hair. The blue colour gets into the pink and aaah it was frustrating. Maybe I was to sloppy or didn’t do it correct. Knowing myself I might try it again soon.

In these days I’ve gotten the attention span of a 3 year old though. According to my psychologist it’s something you can get a bit better at, with some training. I feel so boring and grey, might need some more rainbows in my life.

Also, me and my fiancé Marcus have been talking to my grandpa about renting his old house in a tiny village south of my hometown, It might happen, might not. I know that I always get my hopes up so high when we find a house we like, but like you’ve probably noticed by now before, I’ve stopped writing about it since It has not worked out yet. Hopefully, we might, just might be able to get It this time. The house is so big, that I would be able to get a crafting room, doll room and guinea pig room if I wanted and still have some spare rooms, haha. It’s not forever, but me Marcus and the piggies would probably make it a momentarily home filled with love. Ahhhh, I’m getting ahead of myself now, must stop dreaming about it before I end up disappointed.

I said I was bored, and that’s partly because I’m waiting for my aliexpress and wish orders to arrive, I want them sooo bad. In a moment of massive anxiety in the middle of the night one week ago, I ordered one blythe doll, a new jointed body and a few accessories for her, the rest I have at home. I’m a bit disappointed in myself, because I turn to shopping whilst getting heavy anxiety, but I’ve gotten so much better at it. Might try to do an unboxing video of her, but it will have to be mute because I can’t stand hearing my voice right now.

That’s all for this post…

Love,

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 

Feeling quite lost sometimes in life

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog. Going quite personal and psychological with this post, just a heads up.

This post’s topic is kind of weird. I often nowadays feel quite lost with myself. I mean I know my personality traits and such but the rest is kind of a mess and as I said, I feel lost. I think it might be like this because I’m evolving, but I’ve evolved a lot into diffrent aspects and experiences and quite often but never felt anything like this that is happening right now.

Sometimes I pick up these intrests I have and focus on them a lot, but in these days this phenomenon is leaving me feeling guilty and confused. Like I picked up doll collecting again since a few months ago and I yesterday I felt totally out of place and full of guilt, like I shouldn’t like these things now as an adult. Which is strange to me since I’ve always embraced my intrests before and not caring whenever they where seen as appropriate for another age, I have 0 intention of ever abondning my inner child.

I also think a lot about how my intrests fit together and unintentionally in the back of my mind how I could make it all make sense but I just can’t. It’s frustrating. Even though I still feel like I sometimes have these moments of clarity, they’re getting less and less.

I’m so eclectic it makes me confused. I like so many diffrent things. Maybe that’s a gift, being able to appreciate so many things but It just makes me sad and confused sometimes. I think I might be in need of some structure, but on the other hand structure made me sick and made me feel so limited.

When I was in secondary school I labeled myself as goth because I wanted people to understand me better, suppressing all the other things I liked like Japanese fashion (lolita fashion) and upbeat music.

It’s so hard sometimes to stay true to yourself when everyone else wants to put you into a box so you fit in. And I never fit in! And I think that I now, at the end of this post I have gotten some clarity again.

I need both light and dark in my life since my life is so up and down all the time, and I need something to express these things through. Me being bipolar might have always influenced me, since I see beauty in both dark and light. And just a reminder, dark isn’t necessarily evil and light isn’t always good. (but that is another big topic.)

 

Sincerely,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Some doll purchasing dreams for the future

Hi!

The topic of today is something I haven’t mentioned on my blog since 2014 maybe?

A dear hobby of mine is collecting dolls, and currently I’m mostly into bratz dolls since I grew up completely obsessed with them. I thought I would share some dolls from my wishlist. There are always bratz dolls to obsess over and I constantly update my list :’).

41C82ZRMBDL513MXFX9W6L

These two gothic midnight dance dolls where some of my favourite dolls to dream about to one day own when I was a little girl. I now own the Yasmine from this collection but I’m missing the other two goregous dolls. I got so inspired by these dolls and still am to this day and when I was younger I decorated my pants like the second midnight dance doll.

51BSX07MQZL514RPVWA1JL771ce0056ee87adee5ca80e49c21c20131MQdDdGB6L._QL70_

th

thBUBV1TLM41p6SsXMJNL

I used to own the redhead above but then I was sooo stupid and decided to remove her face and practice facepainting dolls on her, and I threw her away. 😥

51xzGmCwFXL._SY300_

 

 

So these are the cuties I’ll share with you today. Which doll is your favourite and do you collect dolls too? Feel free to answer in the comments 😀

 

/

Kisses

The doll maniac,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Unbreakable bitch

Hi dear people who read my blog!

Today I feel like an unbreakable bitch. A boss ass lady with a bright future.

I’m fighting for the future. Fighting for a future where I can be who I truly am. Because I’m not fully who I’m supposed to be right now. I’m not unhealthy in my ultimate state.  I’m not defined or controlled by an illness in any shape or form in my ultimate state. I’m limitless. I’m fucking light and healthy in my true form. I’m so happy and grateful for my doctor and medication and myself, now whilst feeling stable, I’m finally getting a real chance of cleaning up the mess that my illness and traumas left behind.

I’m planning to have a few smaller goals on my way, giving myself the opportunity to spoil myself when I pass these goals.

My ultimate goal is loosing 40kg in the end. It might take a while, because I’m not going to push myself too hard, for that is not healty if you want to keep your new healthy habits in your new life after you pass the ultimate goal.

 

WIN_20170621_17_46_23_Pro

Post workout selfie.

 

 

Mwah! ;*

Stay humble but sharp as a diamond

Yours truly,

/Viola Whimsical

Long time no see (Life update)

Hi! It’s been a while. 

Here an explanation will follow…

I’ve been taking care of myself, slowly changing back to who I used to be. Taking care of my physical health. It’s something that is so easily lost however, so I need to practice my lost self dicipline everyday, cause in my situation I need to loose weight in order to feel good about myself again. 

I want to feel light and healthy again and this damn situation with my mental health isn’t getting any better if I stay at this weight. I need to move on from this post trauma(s) gaining weight shit. If I could explain how my body feel like in one word it would be heavy. I feel heavy. And it doesn’t feel good! 

Exercising outside in the forest, I already do that. I need some killer belly exercise asap. Need to remember that. (Yes I tend to keep forgetting everything all the time, that is also post trauma shit…so this is like a little reminder for myself, not only a blogpost♡) 

On an end note, today I’ve been dreaming about picking up youtube again, but this time for real. I’d love to become a youtuber one day. Spreading awareness about mental illness and practicing my creativity with an audience. It would probably make me even stronger! Maybe one day you’ll all hear about me ;)♡

Tihi, now I need some sleep. 

Sincerely, 

/Viola Whimsical

Update: Dreams coming true! (longing for a new forest home in the autumn)

Hi all!

Welcome back to my blog.

I’m so happy. I feel like I’ve found peace in my mind. First of all, I’m continuing to feel stable in my mind. I take forest walks outside each day, and started my weightloss journey for real. My future is bright like the stars in the sky. I feel so inspired to do good things for myself, which is kind of ”new” to me since I always tend to put other people before myself, while feeling down and feeling like I’m not worth the hassle of taking the time to do good for myself.

With that said, I got even bigger plans for the autumn… A big dream coming true….

*Deep breath*

I’m (probably) finally moving!

TO A FOREST HOME.

It’s truly all I ever wanted, and with my forever love too! And I wrote (probably)moving because you never know what happends… the houses we’re looking at now, might not be availible later. But our goal is to be moving to a forest home some time during autumn.

I’m truly so happy you guys… I want to cry, actually I’m crying right now…

That’s what I love about life, it can all change for the better in just months or weeks. Even if you have a horrible illness or had a hard life, or both, everything might change over one night! Just hold on!

From the

HAPPIEST GIRL EVER,

blessed be )O(

//Viola Whimsical