I can feel the change in the air, especially so clear today.
I feel like a strong force today. I’m a bit angry. I feel like throwing away all my shit. Just live in my room without any clutter. Throw away all my non nature inspired clothes and just live in my oversized dresses and skirts.
I took my daily walk, only much earlier than I usally walk, and It was amazing. I totally forgot how amazing it is to walk early in the morning. I feel so connected to mother nature. At the same time as I felt really connected to nature I felt so disconnected to mankind. I often think long and hard on this subject. Why is mankind so hateful? So false? So vain? So disrespectful? The list is goes on and on. It is so clear to me today, I mean, it kind of always is in the back of my head but it was so very clear today. I will not participate. In fact, I refuse. I will live in the forest in a cottage, go to work and do grocery shopping and run other errands like going to the bank and to my psychologist in a town, but that’s it. I’ve totally had it.
The world is cruel and I’m sensitive and I don’t recordnize the way most people aspires to live their life. I have no intentions of ever living in a big town, climbing the status ladder, owning expensive brand shit and having a high status job, on concrete streets filled with ”everything you need”.
No. In fact It doesn’t have everything I need. I need trees, I need fresh air, I need flowers. I need brooks and wilderness. I need SPACE.
I feel like when I was younger I watched this kind of life from a far distance, dreaming of it, seeing it from a small town person perspective. Very exotic. And I always got told that everyone is so much more openminded in the cities, that’s what really attracted me. Then I went to school in a greater city, got sick from all the stress and unnatural inviroments. The city and all It’s competitive humans drained all my energy. I realised I didn’t fit in after all.
My much more quicker recovery than expected depended a lot on getting back to the daily forest walks and runs when I returned home.
When I get healthy enough to work, I’m going to save as much as I can to pursue my dream of living in the forest. Without stress, without interacting with too many humans. Just with those people who I’ve chosen to getting to be a apart of my life.
I get more sensitive for each day. I never watch the news for example. It breaks my heart. The time has come. The storm has passed. I need to get my life together. Get healthy in both my mental and physical state, which I’m well on my way to being. Getting my drivers license, get a job and off we go. Into the forest, away from this cruel world, and into my own that I’ve cultivated.
Ohh, how I long for that day, when I’m sitting in my cottage, in the middle of the forest.
Best of wishes,