Change is in the air

I can feel the change in the air, especially so clear today.

I feel like a strong force today. I’m a bit angry. I feel like throwing away all my shit. Just live in my room without any clutter. Throw away all my non nature inspired clothes and just live in my oversized dresses and skirts.

I took my daily walk, only much earlier than I usally walk, and It was amazing. I totally forgot how amazing it is to walk early in the morning. I feel so connected to mother nature. At the same time as I felt really connected to nature I felt so disconnected to mankind. I often think long and hard on this subject. Why is mankind so hateful? So false? So vain? So disrespectful? The list is goes on and on. It is so clear to me today, I mean, it kind of  always is in the back of my head but it was so very clear today. I will not participate. In fact, I refuse. I will live in the forest in a cottage, go to work and do grocery shopping and run other errands like going to the bank and to my psychologist in a town, but that’s it. I’ve totally had it.

The world is cruel and I’m sensitive and I don’t recordnize the way most people aspires to live their life. I have no intentions of ever living in a big town, climbing the status ladder, owning expensive brand shit and having a high status job, on concrete streets filled with ”everything you need”.

No. In fact It doesn’t have everything I need. I need trees, I need fresh air, I need flowers. I need brooks and wilderness. I need SPACE.

I feel like when I was younger  I watched this kind of life from a far distance, dreaming of it, seeing it from a small town person perspective. Very exotic. And I always got told that everyone is so much more openminded in the cities, that’s what really attracted me. Then I went to school in a greater city, got sick from all the stress and unnatural inviroments. The city and all It’s competitive humans drained all my energy. I realised I didn’t fit in after all.

My much more quicker recovery than expected depended a lot on getting back to the daily forest walks and runs when I returned home.

When I get healthy enough to work, I’m going to save as much as I can to pursue my dream of living in the forest. Without stress, without interacting with too many humans. Just with those people who I’ve chosen to getting to be a apart of my life.

I get more sensitive for each day. I never watch the news for example. It breaks my heart. The time has come. The storm has passed. I need to get my life together. Get healthy in both my mental and physical state, which I’m well on my way to being. Getting my drivers license, get a job and off we go. Into the forest, away from this cruel world, and into my own that I’ve cultivated.

Ohh, how I long for that day, when I’m sitting in my cottage, in the middle of the forest.

Best of wishes,

/Viola Whimsical

 

Better health? Thoughts and why I’m not going to any bigger cities or events that I planned this summer

Hi everyone.

I’m doing better with my health overall. I’ve gotten a lot more stable and my emotions aren’t switching as often now. For those of you who are new here and doesn’t know much about me, I’m bipolar and have made several posts about this and you can find them under my blog category ”Mental health”.  I’m also making progress in my physical well being.

My situation right now is kind of frustrating. Still being home sick without going to school or a job.

I feel like I see how society works a lot clearer now when I’m currently being kind of like an outcast of it and it is not a pretty sight at all. I try not to get to frustrated with things I cannot change so I think I’m just going to leave it like that, It’s not a pretty sight, period.

That Stockholm trip I made really destroyed me. I know I’m never moving to a bigger city. I feel so out of touch with everything while being there, in a bigger city. The Stockholm trip affected me so much that I’m going to cancel all of my traveling plans this summer. I’m not going to go to the festival I booked and other events in larger towns. I feel like I’ve built up this very fragile security in my mental state and I don’t want to risk loosing it because of stress or anything like that.

With that being said, I really feel like I know how my future is going to have to look now, and I’m fine with it. Since I’ve been so sick in my latter teens I really can’t deal with any major stressful situations at all. But it’s not a disappointment to me really, I never had any aspirations to become a doctor or anything else that requiers a long, stressful couple of years of education.

When I studied in school, I had really high grades but that was all because of the fact that I actually enjoyed studying and learning about everything there is. Sure, I’ve had aspirations of becoming an artist and designer but I’ve kind of switched point of view and my goals have matured since then because…

WHO gets to decide if I am an artist/designer or not? Does it have to do with how much money I make of it? My education? Does it have to do with popularity? Why can’t I be an artist for myself and my closest? It’s not like you had to be a vertified artist back in the day, It all had to do with your craft. I’m really not going to follow any silly unwritten rules when It comes to things like this.

All I want, is a life in peace, quiet and happiness that is vibrating in the sequence of love, and I’m definatley NOT going to find that in a bigger, elitilist and stressful city.

 

/Viola Whimsical