Unbreakable bitch

Hi dear people who read my blog!

Today I feel like an unbreakable bitch. A boss ass lady with a bright future.

I’m fighting for the future. Fighting for a future where I can be who I truly am. Because I’m not fully who I’m supposed to be right now. I’m not unhealthy in my ultimate state.  I’m not defined or controlled by an illness in any shape or form in my ultimate state. I’m limitless. I’m fucking light and healthy in my true form. I’m so happy and grateful for my doctor and medication and myself, now whilst feeling stable, I’m finally getting a real chance of cleaning up the mess that my illness and traumas left behind.

I’m planning to have a few smaller goals on my way, giving myself the opportunity to spoil myself when I pass these goals.

My ultimate goal is loosing 40kg in the end. It might take a while, because I’m not going to push myself too hard, for that is not healty if you want to keep your new healthy habits in your new life after you pass the ultimate goal.

 

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Post workout selfie.

 

 

Mwah! ;*

Stay humble but sharp as a diamond

Yours truly,

/Viola Whimsical

Long time no see (Life update)

Hi! It’s been a while. 

Here an explanation will follow…

I’ve been taking care of myself, slowly changing back to who I used to be. Taking care of my physical health. It’s something that is so easily lost however, so I need to practice my lost self dicipline everyday, cause in my situation I need to loose weight in order to feel good about myself again. 

I want to feel light and healthy again and this damn situation with my mental health isn’t getting any better if I stay at this weight. I need to move on from this post trauma(s) gaining weight shit. If I could explain how my body feel like in one word it would be heavy. I feel heavy. And it doesn’t feel good! 

Exercising outside in the forest, I already do that. I need some killer belly exercise asap. Need to remember that. (Yes I tend to keep forgetting everything all the time, that is also post trauma shit…so this is like a little reminder for myself, not only a blogpost♡) 

On an end note, today I’ve been dreaming about picking up youtube again, but this time for real. I’d love to become a youtuber one day. Spreading awareness about mental illness and practicing my creativity with an audience. It would probably make me even stronger! Maybe one day you’ll all hear about me ;)♡

Tihi, now I need some sleep. 

Sincerely, 

/Viola Whimsical

Better health? Thoughts and why I’m not going to any bigger cities or events that I planned this summer

Hi everyone.

I’m doing better with my health overall. I’ve gotten a lot more stable and my emotions aren’t switching as often now. For those of you who are new here and doesn’t know much about me, I’m bipolar and have made several posts about this and you can find them under my blog category ”Mental health”.  I’m also making progress in my physical well being.

My situation right now is kind of frustrating. Still being home sick without going to school or a job.

I feel like I see how society works a lot clearer now when I’m currently being kind of like an outcast of it and it is not a pretty sight at all. I try not to get to frustrated with things I cannot change so I think I’m just going to leave it like that, It’s not a pretty sight, period.

That Stockholm trip I made really destroyed me. I know I’m never moving to a bigger city. I feel so out of touch with everything while being there, in a bigger city. The Stockholm trip affected me so much that I’m going to cancel all of my traveling plans this summer. I’m not going to go to the festival I booked and other events in larger towns. I feel like I’ve built up this very fragile security in my mental state and I don’t want to risk loosing it because of stress or anything like that.

With that being said, I really feel like I know how my future is going to have to look now, and I’m fine with it. Since I’ve been so sick in my latter teens I really can’t deal with any major stressful situations at all. But it’s not a disappointment to me really, I never had any aspirations to become a doctor or anything else that requiers a long, stressful couple of years of education.

When I studied in school, I had really high grades but that was all because of the fact that I actually enjoyed studying and learning about everything there is. Sure, I’ve had aspirations of becoming an artist and designer but I’ve kind of switched point of view and my goals have matured since then because…

WHO gets to decide if I am an artist/designer or not? Does it have to do with how much money I make of it? My education? Does it have to do with popularity? Why can’t I be an artist for myself and my closest? It’s not like you had to be a vertified artist back in the day, It all had to do with your craft. I’m really not going to follow any silly unwritten rules when It comes to things like this.

All I want, is a life in peace, quiet and happiness that is vibrating in the sequence of love, and I’m definatley NOT going to find that in a bigger, elitilist and stressful city.

 

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laboured day turned into a beautiful one

Hi and welcome back today to my blog.

Today’s been rough on me, but I actually managed to turn it around myself and that surely is a healthy sign. I spoiled myself today.

First I went to my local second hand shop and bought a few things on saaale, as if it weren’t cheap enough haha. (Might show you in another later post today.)

Then I was so disapointed because I gained some weight since last time I got checked on a weight watchers meeting 2 weeks ago. Started hating on myself and got quite self destructive in my thoughts but I MANAGED TO SNAP OUT OF IT. Which is a HUGE thing to me, I can’t remember the last time where I actually managed to take back control after I started self hating. I feel powerful, I am powerful.

And to make a mark for myself that I actually do care about myself and I only deserve the best I went to my favourite store in my hometown and bought me an amethyst pendulum, some marvelous room spray scented fresh linen and two tumbled rocks, moonstone for celebrating my femininity and flourite for absorbing and neutralizing negative energies. Then I took a short walk down the street to my favourite resturant in my hometown and bought sushi that tasted like heaven.

 

Now I only have to keep my head above the deep dragging water for the rest of the day.

Tomorrow I’m going visit my cute grandpa and then I’m going to go to my first orienteering since my middle school days.

Also on Friday I’m going to catch up with my best girl Noah.

There’s always things to look forward to in life, If you look really closely, you’ll most certainly always find something, if not then look forward to the day when things turn around for you and try if you can, to actively work for it! Life is today, right now. It might be too late tomorrow, so get on with things today if you can.

 

Love and blessings,

)O(

/Viola Whimsical

 

Life update- Swedish blogpost update, Bipolar madness, skiing and well being

Hello.

I thought I would make an effort and start blogging in swedish as well as english, so from now on you’ll see the each blogpost in Swedish in the second part of the blogpost. 🙂

Today is a pretty good day since I feel like I’m making the right desicions for myself and can express my situation in words so I thought I would write some.

I’ve discovered that being bipolar and blogging is hard actually. But mostly for the reader I  can imagine. One day  I’m fine and then I all of a sudden the next day I want to die or something in that sense. I think for someone standing outside of my madness, watching it all it must be quite hard to follow. The thing is I’m still struggling with myself to get the right kind of medication and a lifestyle that will benefit me the most in my life so everything is extremely upside down right now.

I have started to work out again each day and I can already tell there is improvement in my mental health. I can barely wait to see the differance this will make in my physical well being as well…I’ve got many ideas on how I want to exercise during the diffrent seasons of the year. Since It’s winter skiing becomes relevant again which I for years have wanted to try out again, I think the last time I went skiing was in third grade haha.

I had a breakdown a few weeks ago when I got a full blown anxiety attack and wanted to end it all. One week  ago I had to go to the psychiatric ward because I felt like I wanted to hurt myself and I didn’t want that to happen but I got no help what so ever and had to go home without anything to calm me down. I believe that I could have just talked on the phone with them instead but they thought I should come in for valuation, and I still didn’t get any help.

There might be some more blogposts during the day since this is a good writing day.

Hugs,

/Viola Whimsical

 


 

Hej.

Tänkte jag även skulle börja blogga på svenska. Jag hoppas ni svenskar nu anstränger er och läser bloggen då det kommer ta mycket tid att översätta alla kommande inlägg för mig. 🙂

Idag är en bra dag då jag känner att jag tar rätt beslut i mitt liv och kan uttrycka min livssituation i ord så jag passar på att skriva lite.

Jag har upptäckt att vara bipolär och bloggare samtidigt är ganska svårt. Men mest för läsaren kan jag nog föreställa mig. En dag mår jag bra och helt plötsligt nästa dag vill jag dö eller något i den stilen. Jag får för mig att för någon som står utanför av mina galenskaper och som ser allting, måste det vara svårt att hänga med. Saken är den att jag fortfarande kämpar med mig själv, att få rätt medicin och livsstil som blir mest till min fördel i livet så allting är extremt upp och ner just nu.

Jag har börjat träna varje dag och jag kan redan nu känna positiv förändring i mitt psykiska mående. Kan knappt bärga mig att se skillnaden det kommer göra i min fysiska hälsa också…Har många idéer om hur jag ska röra på mig under de olika årstiderna. Nu på vintern blir ju tex skidåkning aktuelllt igen vilket jag flera år tillbaka viljat prova på igen, senast jag åkte skider var nog när jag gick i trean haha.

Jag hade ett sammanbrott för några veckor sedan då jag fick en extremt stark ångestattack och ville avsluta mitt liv. För en vecka sedan var jag tvungen att åka till psykiatriska akutmottagningen för det kändes som jag ville skada mig själv och jag ville inte att det skulle hända så jag åkte dit, men jag fick ingen hjälp överhuvudtaget. Jag tycker att jag skulle kunnat prata med dem i telefon istället men de tyckte jag skulle komma ner till Karlstad för utvärdering, men fick som sagt ingen hjälp trots mina självskadetankar.

Kanske kommer flera inlägg under dagen då jag känner att det är en bra skrivardag idag.

Kramar,

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

Tomorrow my new life begins

Hi.

There was a time when I used to live very healthy. I ate nothing unhealthy and did my workouts regulary. I was happy with my body.

To gain control over my health even more than with medication and therapy I will begin to take small steps back towards living a healthy life.

How I will start:

In this month, October I will begin to stop eating too sugary and too fat snacks/food. That means I will eat nothing more like candy, chips, cookies and ice cream.

In November I will slowly begin to find a work out routine again that I will be able to carry through in my dorm room. The reason behind that I want to take everything so slowy is because when you’re going to change your lifestyle it is much easier to keep on going if you take it slow. I do at least think and know so since I’ve done this before, it is much easier to hold on to your changes if everything is carefully planned and with no perticular stress or pressure besides your goals.

My goals with this:

My main goal with this is to be a healthier, happier person and to take back the control I once had over my life. Only I can do this for myself. I deserve happiness and a good health both mentally and physically.

However I have a few milestones I’d like to add as well, that I would be more than happy to one day check all of these boxes…:

  • Be comfortable and love my body entirely again.
  • Be more comfortable in summer with the heat.
  • Be able to fit into all of my lolita clothes again and comfortably.
  • Be able to work out at least 10 min each day if I feel like it.

These milestones might not be a big deal for you but they are for me. I will be very happy when one day can look back at this and feel so proud of myself because I changed my life for the better.

Here is some inspiration coming my way (and yours too if you need it or want it!)

again, confidence, and failure-bildsuccess, try, and ideas-bild

fitness, inspiration, and motivation-bild

quote and motivation-bild

quote, believe, and think-bild

crown, quote, and always-bild

Best wishes and good luck! ♥

/ Viola Whimsical