Better health? Thoughts and why I’m not going to any bigger cities or events that I planned this summer

Hi everyone.

I’m doing better with my health overall. I’ve gotten a lot more stable and my emotions aren’t switching as often now. For those of you who are new here and doesn’t know much about me, I’m bipolar and have made several posts about this and you can find them under my blog category ”Mental health”.  I’m also making progress in my physical well being.

My situation right now is kind of frustrating. Still being home sick without going to school or a job.

I feel like I see how society works a lot clearer now when I’m currently being kind of like an outcast of it and it is not a pretty sight at all. I try not to get to frustrated with things I cannot change so I think I’m just going to leave it like that, It’s not a pretty sight, period.

That Stockholm trip I made really destroyed me. I know I’m never moving to a bigger city. I feel so out of touch with everything while being there, in a bigger city. The Stockholm trip affected me so much that I’m going to cancel all of my traveling plans this summer. I’m not going to go to the festival I booked and other events in larger towns. I feel like I’ve built up this very fragile security in my mental state and I don’t want to risk loosing it because of stress or anything like that.

With that being said, I really feel like I know how my future is going to have to look now, and I’m fine with it. Since I’ve been so sick in my latter teens I really can’t deal with any major stressful situations at all. But it’s not a disappointment to me really, I never had any aspirations to become a doctor or anything else that requiers a long, stressful couple of years of education.

When I studied in school, I had really high grades but that was all because of the fact that I actually enjoyed studying and learning about everything there is. Sure, I’ve had aspirations of becoming an artist and designer but I’ve kind of switched point of view and my goals have matured since then because…

WHO gets to decide if I am an artist/designer or not? Does it have to do with how much money I make of it? My education? Does it have to do with popularity? Why can’t I be an artist for myself and my closest? It’s not like you had to be a vertified artist back in the day, It all had to do with your craft. I’m really not going to follow any silly unwritten rules when It comes to things like this.

All I want, is a life in peace, quiet and happiness that is vibrating in the sequence of love, and I’m definatley NOT going to find that in a bigger, elitilist and stressful city.

 

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

 

 

 

 

Personal mantra

Hi. 

I have been thinking, just as I always do and I remembered a very good advice which I got from a person I really admire. To make your own mantra, sacred things you need to remember about yourself. 

“Mantra” has become as mainstream as “intention.” But the two are actually quite different. The word mantra can be broken down into two parts: “man,” which means mind, and “tra,” which means transport or vehicle. In other words, a mantra is an instrument of the mind—a powerful sound or vibration that you can use to enter a deep state of meditation

Suffocate your self reducing thoughts in daily reminders of all the good facts about yourself and all your great characteristics and skills. Write it down or record yourslef. I am not ready to do the latter, but I will however write it down so I am able to read it. I’m going to keep it private, even though I thought about writing it down here. But it is my own personal daily mantra and I will keep it so.

I belive it all begins with a thought. It is said that It takes 15 seconds for one thought to become reality. When you get a self destructive/reducing thought try to run or read your mantra until it disappears. Thought replacement! As I’m still recovering from my latest depression in my illness I’m only now trying this out. 
/ Viola Whimsical

Life update- Swedish blogpost update, Bipolar madness, skiing and well being

Hello.

I thought I would make an effort and start blogging in swedish as well as english, so from now on you’ll see the each blogpost in Swedish in the second part of the blogpost. 🙂

Today is a pretty good day since I feel like I’m making the right desicions for myself and can express my situation in words so I thought I would write some.

I’ve discovered that being bipolar and blogging is hard actually. But mostly for the reader I  can imagine. One day  I’m fine and then I all of a sudden the next day I want to die or something in that sense. I think for someone standing outside of my madness, watching it all it must be quite hard to follow. The thing is I’m still struggling with myself to get the right kind of medication and a lifestyle that will benefit me the most in my life so everything is extremely upside down right now.

I have started to work out again each day and I can already tell there is improvement in my mental health. I can barely wait to see the differance this will make in my physical well being as well…I’ve got many ideas on how I want to exercise during the diffrent seasons of the year. Since It’s winter skiing becomes relevant again which I for years have wanted to try out again, I think the last time I went skiing was in third grade haha.

I had a breakdown a few weeks ago when I got a full blown anxiety attack and wanted to end it all. One week  ago I had to go to the psychiatric ward because I felt like I wanted to hurt myself and I didn’t want that to happen but I got no help what so ever and had to go home without anything to calm me down. I believe that I could have just talked on the phone with them instead but they thought I should come in for valuation, and I still didn’t get any help.

There might be some more blogposts during the day since this is a good writing day.

Hugs,

/Viola Whimsical

 


 

Hej.

Tänkte jag även skulle börja blogga på svenska. Jag hoppas ni svenskar nu anstränger er och läser bloggen då det kommer ta mycket tid att översätta alla kommande inlägg för mig. 🙂

Idag är en bra dag då jag känner att jag tar rätt beslut i mitt liv och kan uttrycka min livssituation i ord så jag passar på att skriva lite.

Jag har upptäckt att vara bipolär och bloggare samtidigt är ganska svårt. Men mest för läsaren kan jag nog föreställa mig. En dag mår jag bra och helt plötsligt nästa dag vill jag dö eller något i den stilen. Jag får för mig att för någon som står utanför av mina galenskaper och som ser allting, måste det vara svårt att hänga med. Saken är den att jag fortfarande kämpar med mig själv, att få rätt medicin och livsstil som blir mest till min fördel i livet så allting är extremt upp och ner just nu.

Jag har börjat träna varje dag och jag kan redan nu känna positiv förändring i mitt psykiska mående. Kan knappt bärga mig att se skillnaden det kommer göra i min fysiska hälsa också…Har många idéer om hur jag ska röra på mig under de olika årstiderna. Nu på vintern blir ju tex skidåkning aktuelllt igen vilket jag flera år tillbaka viljat prova på igen, senast jag åkte skider var nog när jag gick i trean haha.

Jag hade ett sammanbrott för några veckor sedan då jag fick en extremt stark ångestattack och ville avsluta mitt liv. För en vecka sedan var jag tvungen att åka till psykiatriska akutmottagningen för det kändes som jag ville skada mig själv och jag ville inte att det skulle hända så jag åkte dit, men jag fick ingen hjälp överhuvudtaget. Jag tycker att jag skulle kunnat prata med dem i telefon istället men de tyckte jag skulle komma ner till Karlstad för utvärdering, men fick som sagt ingen hjälp trots mina självskadetankar.

Kanske kommer flera inlägg under dagen då jag känner att det är en bra skrivardag idag.

Kramar,

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

It’s a bad day, not a bad life

Hi. 

I’ve had a really,really shitty day today and I’m not feeling like getting deeper into it. What I’m going to focus on instead though is that it’s not a bad life, it’s just a bad day. We all have bad days and it’s really okay. All I can do is to keep as calm as I can and let it pass, tomorrow will be filled with new possibilities! 

/Viola Whimsical

Tomorrow my new life begins

Hi.

There was a time when I used to live very healthy. I ate nothing unhealthy and did my workouts regulary. I was happy with my body.

To gain control over my health even more than with medication and therapy I will begin to take small steps back towards living a healthy life.

How I will start:

In this month, October I will begin to stop eating too sugary and too fat snacks/food. That means I will eat nothing more like candy, chips, cookies and ice cream.

In November I will slowly begin to find a work out routine again that I will be able to carry through in my dorm room. The reason behind that I want to take everything so slowy is because when you’re going to change your lifestyle it is much easier to keep on going if you take it slow. I do at least think and know so since I’ve done this before, it is much easier to hold on to your changes if everything is carefully planned and with no perticular stress or pressure besides your goals.

My goals with this:

My main goal with this is to be a healthier, happier person and to take back the control I once had over my life. Only I can do this for myself. I deserve happiness and a good health both mentally and physically.

However I have a few milestones I’d like to add as well, that I would be more than happy to one day check all of these boxes…:

  • Be comfortable and love my body entirely again.
  • Be more comfortable in summer with the heat.
  • Be able to fit into all of my lolita clothes again and comfortably.
  • Be able to work out at least 10 min each day if I feel like it.

These milestones might not be a big deal for you but they are for me. I will be very happy when one day can look back at this and feel so proud of myself because I changed my life for the better.

Here is some inspiration coming my way (and yours too if you need it or want it!)

again, confidence, and failure-bildsuccess, try, and ideas-bild

fitness, inspiration, and motivation-bild

quote and motivation-bild

quote, believe, and think-bild

crown, quote, and always-bild

Best wishes and good luck! ♥

/ Viola Whimsical

 

Things do not go as planned sometimes

Hi. I’ve been kind of quiet lately here in my blog but I do have a reason for it. I’m on a new medication and I’m just all over the place in my mood. One second I feel okay the next I feel like everything is falling apart and that I just want a break from it all, like get to sleep for a hundred years or something. I’m fed up with people constantly ignoring the issue that is mental illness. I feel like there is a certain attitude in our society against mental illness, if you can’t see it it’s not real. As you might know from earlier posts I suffer from mental illness/anxiety/bipolar disorder and it’s really tough. Yesterday I had a big anxiety attack and had to run out of the classroom. I was going to do more fun stuff this week on my blog as I recently went on a adventure across Sweden, I was going to do a haul and talk about It but I just can’t right now, my mental wellbeing is wayyy more important than vlogging and sharing my trip with you.   

 
I wish you all the best, 

/Viola Whimsical

Mental health- Mental illness and education, my experiences

Hello and welcome back to my blog! I thought I would write a bit about mental illness and education. ♥

Mental illness and education is something that doesn’t fit in well together with eachother. Mental illness could how ever be caused because of way too stressful school systems and then they go hand in hand.

It’s hard to have both at the same time since both occupies the mind a lot, you have to be concentrated in school and when depression or whatever mental illness you have is there as well it’s hard enough for you to think what you’re going to have to do with yourself if you can’t stop feeling in this way that depression (or other mental illnesses) makes you feel. When I personally actually thought I had to give up my chance to education because of my mental illness I felt like my world was crumbling down and I felt truly devistated. I lost a lot of hair because of the stress I felt with traveling a total about 20 swedish miles per day to school and you could clearly see my scalp under my hair because if was so thin.   I had too high demands on myself and that caused me to break down and the result of it all was me having to leave my dream school back then and me ending up in the psychiatric ward with a psychosis. I didn’t sleep either so they had to stuff me full of sleeping and anxiety palliative medications and I still did not sleep.

Today I know that you can have both an education and mental illness. The catch is that you might have to wait until the worst storm has moved on, so to say. It’s okay. Take a break from school. You can always finsih it later on when you feel better and is more in shape to continue your studies. Go your own way and take it easy in your own speed. Now studies are important but your mental health is even more important. You do not have to finish school at the same time as the other people your age. It’s not a competition, even though some people makes it feel like it is. Don’t you ever forget to forgive yourself for the years your mental illness took away from you. ♥

 

/ Viola Whimsical

 

Mental illness and spirituality

Hi! I thought this is going to be mental illness and spirituality and how the two of them go together post.

I have to say that throughout my life my spirituality has helped me a lot even though I wasn’t aware of it or didn’t know what it was. It was always something there that I couldn’t quite understand or grasp. To me this is very important since It helps me a lot in my depressive episodes which I have more frequently then mania.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read this post first. It’s comforting to have somewhere to turn to when you’re feeling so broken and depressed. I tend to turn to nature. I always have, but nature especially has been a great part in my road to recovery since 2014, when I got both mania and depressive periods. (Not at the same time, but the same year.)  I went to walk in the forest everyday and it was like medicine for me. I always thought that I like nature and animals a whole lot more than the other people around me and that’s how I ”really” started to explore my spirituality.

Quitting to eat meat where one of the steps my spirituality inspired me to take. I personally feel a lot better without meat and animal products that where created with pain and pure cruelty. I feel like a better version of myself, for me and the animals and the enviroment.

I’d love to get to know my spiritual self a lot more, but sometimes life disconnects us, especially today when everything is powered with technology.  I’m NOT saying that technology is bad but sometimes is is over used by us, when we would really just feel better walking instead of taking the elevator.

I personally belive that there is a whole ton more to experience in this world, beyond the materialism and what we see.

Real happiness and potential to do great things in life lies within us. It is not in how expensive your new bag where or what high paid status job you’ve got. It’s up to us whenether we want to use our inner happiness and potential. It sits there, in our core, waiting to be explored.

I’ve never felt real satisfaction from buying something, sure I like what I bought and It might become useful and special to me but I would surely survive without it. That’s not satisfaction and can never be compared to the real satisfactions of your inner self when you succed with something mentally. I do own a lot of things. You should see my room…haha but when I buy things I usally do it second hand. And that is good for the enviroment, and sometimes other lesser fortunate people benefit from it, which is great!

 

To end my post,

Take care of yourself, explore your spirituality and keep on going. Everything you really want and need lies within you.

Blessed be )O(

/Viola Whimsical

 

My mental illness

Hi everyone. Welcome back to my blog. It’s been little while and I’m actually not going to apologize even if I would like to do so. I’ve gotten worse in my mental state, depressed and indiffrent feeling. And I’m at this point in my life where I don’t want to sugarcoat the reality of my life that I’m actually going to confess something to all of you. At this point in life I don’t think it’s that much big of a deal anymore, but it still affect me daily. I have no problem with letting you all know.  I’ve got this mental illness called bipolar. Another reason for telling the world this is because I want to help change the stigma around people with mental illnesses. So that’s why I tend to go back and forth in my mental state as you might have noticed, and tend to not write when I’m getting my depressive periods of time because I didn’t feel ready to tell the world. If you think that I’m now considered dangerous because of this, I plead to you to please do some research first. I’m actually going to give you some basic information about this in this blogpost but the rest you’ll have to look up yourself.

I’m bipolar. I take my medication daily. Just like some people have to take medication because of their physical disabilities and problems. I’m now at this critical point where I might have to switch to diffrent medications because It just isn’t working for me. That’s okay, that’s how life works sometimes.

Now to some information about this bipolar illness. I think the pictures below describes it all pretty well.

Bildresultat för bipolar

Basically, you get these episodes of mania and depression throughout your life and sometimes you’re too high up on the mood scale, sometimes your in the middle (normal state) and sometimes you’re just too low down on the mood scale. We’re talking extremes here from feeling like the happiest, luckiest person on earth to feeling like the most depressed, suicidal person on earth. Of course, with the right medication you can mitigate these extreme episodes into more or normal states (which is what I’ve been doing, but now need another new medication or higher dose since it’s not working anymore) That’s some brief information about bipolar illness for you.

Next up I’m going to write a post about my view on mental illness and spirituality.

Best wishes,

/Viola Whimsical