Update- Killing it at the gym, my health plan

Hi and welcome back to the faerieland!

I hope you’re feeling good and are healthy. I’m getting there one step at a time. I’m in the middle of transforming my body. And I’m well on my way, working out at the gym each day fighting for my ultimate health. I don’t get anxiety anymore, It kind of struck me as I wrote this, the constant anxiety I used to have is gone. The background noise inside my head has stopped. I couldn’t be more grateful right now. I’m so happy to have myself, that I’ve chosen to fight against my demons despite everything I’ve been through. Giving up is never a fucking option, quitting this life, dying earlier than I should’ve, nope. I’m going to do my very best to keep the bipolar illness away from my life, I’m unstoppable.

Strong as f u c k !

Plan.

I’ll continue to work out each day until I get my ultimate, healthy body back. When I reach my goals, I’ll gradually reduce how often I work out, probably keep it to kill it a  couple of times a week but I’ll definitely take walks each day. And eating healthy, yasss of course! When I’m creating this lifestyle again for me, I’m keeping it for good. I’m tired of being ill!

Weight gain stopped my life for about a year. I basically haven’t been creating anything since I gained so much, the things I want to wear no longer fitted and I didn’t want to create anything new since I knew I wouldn’t want to be stuck in that body prison forever. Now I dare to dream up new creations again.

The key in my life right now is health.

And I love it.

Sincerely, 

/Viola Whimsical

 

 

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Feeling quite lost sometimes in life

Hi everyone and welcome back to my blog. Going quite personal and psychological with this post, just a heads up.

This post’s topic is kind of weird. I often nowadays feel quite lost with myself. I mean I know my personality traits and such but the rest is kind of a mess and as I said, I feel lost. I think it might be like this because I’m evolving, but I’ve evolved a lot into diffrent aspects and experiences and quite often but never felt anything like this that is happening right now.

Sometimes I pick up these intrests I have and focus on them a lot, but in these days this phenomenon is leaving me feeling guilty and confused. Like I picked up doll collecting again since a few months ago and I yesterday I felt totally out of place and full of guilt, like I shouldn’t like these things now as an adult. Which is strange to me since I’ve always embraced my intrests before and not caring whenever they where seen as appropriate for another age, I have 0 intention of ever abondning my inner child.

I also think a lot about how my intrests fit together and unintentionally in the back of my mind how I could make it all make sense but I just can’t. It’s frustrating. Even though I still feel like I sometimes have these moments of clarity, they’re getting less and less.

I’m so eclectic it makes me confused. I like so many diffrent things. Maybe that’s a gift, being able to appreciate so many things but It just makes me sad and confused sometimes. I think I might be in need of some structure, but on the other hand structure made me sick and made me feel so limited.

When I was in secondary school I labeled myself as goth because I wanted people to understand me better, suppressing all the other things I liked like Japanese fashion (lolita fashion) and upbeat music.

It’s so hard sometimes to stay true to yourself when everyone else wants to put you into a box so you fit in. And I never fit in! And I think that I now, at the end of this post I have gotten some clarity again.

I need both light and dark in my life since my life is so up and down all the time, and I need something to express these things through. Me being bipolar might have always influenced me, since I see beauty in both dark and light. And just a reminder, dark isn’t necessarily evil and light isn’t always good. (but that is another big topic.)

 

Sincerely,

/Viola Whimsical